The Night Watchmen

2016

1h 20m

Horror

Comedy

List

86%

7 Reviews

Tomatometer

66%

100+ Ratings

Audience Score

Three inept night watchmen, aided by a young rookie and a fearless tabloid journalist, fight an epic battle to save their lives. A mistaken warehouse delivery unleashes a horde of hungry vampires, and the watchmen must not only save themselves but also stop the scourge that threatens to take over the city of Baltimore.

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BigD J

You either love cheesy horror comedy or you hate it. There's really no in between. I dunno about no 85% on RT, but then again I've said that about a lot of films. All in all, it's mildly comical and entertaining.

Rated 3 out of 5 stars

02/01/24

Full Review

Daniel S

If you are looking for a campy, horror, comedy--this does the trick quite well. The movie sticks to its campy identity throughout; unlike the true backgrounds of the loveable protagonists--which are slowly revealed as the movie moves along at its rapid pace. The level of absurdity blooms as the film progresses--until it reaches a level that is befitting of the film's premise.

Rated 5 out of 5 stars

05/05/23

Full Review

robert p

The dialogue is awful, with lines such as "Whoa! No need to start spinning your head around and spilling pea soup!", which just rolls off the tongue. The action gets tedious within the opening half-hour, and—yes—the vamps pass gas when they die, a literal gag that's repeated ad nauseum. Admittedly, however, there is a joke that hits: While discussing amongst themselves what these beings are, one of the disbelieving guards says, "Vampires are sparkly and shiny and handsome as shit!" There: I just saved you some money. Thus my *2* star review because it's that bad!!

Rated 2 out of 5 stars

03/31/23

Full Review

Audience Member

Better than expected, interesting mix of characters. Was expecting cheese but it wasn't very cheesy at all. Moves along quickly and doesn't waste time on building pointless character relationships.

Rated 3 out of 5 stars

02/07/23

Full Review

Audience Member

This was stupid,brainless fun. I did enjoy watching it,but at the same time I wanted it to just end. If you have time to kill,give this a shot.

Rated 1 out of 5 stars

02/13/23

Full Review

Audience Member

Horrible watch, will not watch again, and recommend you actively avoid. I'm not even sure this one would make a good Bad Movie Night. It's essentially a bunch of jokes written with the concept of normalcy happening in a completely crazy situation just strung together. The jokes are mediocre at best, the cast isn't great, and it's a minimal production budget. Even if the budget was better, I'm not sure the vision is of quality. This is allegedly a "vampire" movie, and after Twilight, I didn't think I could be upset at vampires in a different way, but this movie found it: just treat them like zombies. This is literally a "fast zombie" / infected movie, but instead, they call them vampires because they can't handle sunlight. I have a very long statement about what vampires were, what they've become, what they mean, and what they should be, but honestly this movie isn't worth it here in this review. Just avoid it, unless you've run out of zombie movies to watch.

Rated 1 out of 5 stars

02/18/23

Full Review

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Mitchell Altieri

Director

Kevin Jiggetts

Jiggetts

Kara Luiz

Karen

Ken Arnold

Ken

Dan DeLuca

Luca

Max Gray Wilbur

Rajeeve

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Kristy Puchko

Pajiba

You've seen blood-sucking vampires, rampaging zombies, and sinister clowns. But have you ever seen these horror archetypes mashed up into one ludicrous yet menacing monster?

Aug 4, 2017

Full Review

Emilie Black

Cinema Crazed

The Night Watchmen is a fun horror-comedy filled with ridiculous non-sense that somehow works in the world where clownpires are a thing and where a metal drummer is more logical in battle than an ex-military.

Rated: 4.5/5

Apr 17, 2020

Full Review

Tracy Allen

PopHorror.com

...fun, gory and entertaining as hell...

Rated: 7.5/10

Aug 8, 2019

Full Review

Molly Henery

The Blogging Banshee

The Night Watchmen is an insanely fun and bloody ride that is sure to tickle the funny bone of horror fans everywhere. In this film you get lots of gore, excitement, and laughs.

Rated: 8.5/10

Nov 2, 2018

Full Review

Nick Rocco Scalia

Film Threat

The Night Watchmen is damn entertaining, and anyone who can't appreciate it is simply thinking too hard.

Rated: 4/5

Jan 4, 2018

Full Review

Andrew Marshall

Starburst

The Night Watchmen is a raucous riot that starts fast and never relents right up until its closing moments. It asks only your indulgence and delivers utterly, remaining a gory and hilarious ride every step of the way.

Rated: 8/10

May 26, 2017

Full Review

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Synopsis

Three inept night watchmen, aided by a young rookie and a fearless tabloid journalist, fight an epic battle to save their lives. A mistaken warehouse delivery unleashes a horde of hungry vampires, and the watchmen must not only save themselves but also stop the scourge that threatens to take over the city of Baltimore.

Director: Mitchell Altieri
Producer: Jeffrey Giles, Michael Lurie, Cheryl Dillard Staurulakis, Leo Staurulakis
Screenwriter: Dan DeLuca, Jamie Nash
Production Co: Indie Entertainment
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Original Language: English
Release Date (Streaming): Nov 21, 2017
Runtime: 1h 20m

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