Assault on VA-33

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Con C Only watch this movie if you want to shoot yourself in the head. Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 07/18/24 Full Review Rich F What a joke🤬🤬 if low budget was a movie 😂 Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 06/27/24 Full Review Gary O Incredibly bad in so many different ways. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 12/03/23 Full Review Stephen A Shoestring Magic, Vanishing Cops, and a Cringe-Worthy Ballet! Cautiously enter "Assault on Station 33," a film that boldly proclaims, "Who needs a generous Hollywood budget when you can perform magic on a shoestring with some disappearing FBI agents?" Not too shabby, considering the economic circumstances – money and COVID conspire to create continuity errors to rival a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novel. Witness the grand vanishing act of the FBI and police around the Veterans Hospital, a feat so impressive it'd make David Copperfield envious. Picture this: a car park packed with vehicles and officers in one frame, and poof! They're gone, leaving the bad guys and their hostage to casually stroll onto the street, ready to jump on the Number 22 Getaway Bus. The writers gift us the classic tale of revenge and escape gone haywire, featuring our lone hero heroically battling both antagonists and the odd budgetary hiccup: While the direction and editing appear to have taken a detour to Confusionville. The varied camera angles, an attempt at sophistication, end up feeling like the director played pin the tail on the shot list, resulting in an amateurish vibe that's as subtle as a marching band in a library. Then we have the fight scenes, featuring the dynamic duo of Mark Dacascos and Sean Patrick Flanery: They're a cringe-worthy masterpiece, as hits and kicks miss their targets by a mile, turning the action into a choreographed ballet of close encounters. And let's be honest, some rather unpretty strained faces that easily rival modern abstractism. On the upside, the cast emerges as the unsung heroes, navigating the murky waters of amateur angles and poorly executed fight choreography. Flanery, in particular, shines as a PTSD-suffering soldier, complete with nervous ticks and a dislocated kneecap that makes you wince in sympathetic pain. Alas, the makeup artist seems to have embraced a 'more is more' philosophy, resulting in close-ups that could turn a layer cake green with envy. A round of applause for Richard Gabai as the flippant ruthless killer and Rob Van Dam, the whimsical whiner – the two inject a much-needed dose of humour, providing comic relief as we navigate the twists and turns of Station 33. In conclusion, "Assault on Station 33" is undoubtedly an imperfect B-Movie that dangles on the precipice of potential greatness. It's a delightful distraction for a rainy day, humbly offering a pleasant hour and a half of semi-delightful entertainment amidst the mayhem of budgetary constraints and creative missteps. It's not a cinematic masterpiece, but hey, who needs perfection when you've got unpretty close-ups and vanishing cops to provide excellent company to you? Rated 2.5/5 Stars •  Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars 11/11/23 Full Review Nadine R This is the worst rip off of Die Hard that I have ever seen. Painful. Rated 1.5/5 Stars •  Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars 09/21/23 Full Review Stephen L Ninety minutes of awfulness. Bad script, worse acting, ridiculous plot lines. Ugh. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 09/13/23 Full Review Read all reviews

Assault on VA-33

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