Embrace of the Vampire

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Audience Member Before we had the internet, the fact that Alyson Milano was topless and had sex scenes in a movie was a big deal. She plays a virgin named Charlotte Wells who has a boring boyfriend named Chris and a vampire named, well, The Vampire played by the bassist of Spandau Ballet, Martin Kemp*, who thinks that she's the reincarnation of a past lover. She's also visited in dreams by the sapphic powers of another vampire, Marika (Jennifer Tilly, who yes, I can admit to finding attractive to say the least). I wonder how Tony Micelli felt about a movie where his little girl furtively masturbates while a vampire repeatedly slams the head of Cheryl Ladd's daughter against a door and then licks the blood? This was Jordan Ladd's film debut, as well as the first movie for Rachel True from The Craft. Plus, there's Rebecca Ferratti (Talena from the Gor movies) and Charlotte Lewis from The Golden Child and one of my favorite deranged Italian movies, Dial: Help.  Director Anne Goursaud edited several of Coppola's movies and would direct Poison Ivy II the following year. She said this movie cost $500,000 and made $15 million just in video sales. Yes, Alyssa Milano was a draw, as she was also in that aforementioned direct to video sequel. *Oddly, a crew member commented to Kemp what a great job the makeup department had done on the prosthetics. The veins in his forehead were bulging out and looked great. The only problem was he didn't have any makeup on. It was actually an undiagnosed brain tumor. Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 02/06/23 Full Review Audience Member "Ankhs? Oh, my favourite subject!" An ancient vampire recognizes a long lost love in a young woman's face in the current era...you know the tired story. Yet another blahh vampire flick. I must say, I sat through too much of this to not have Jennifer Tilly reveal what Alyssa Milano did. :( Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 02/02/23 Full Review Audience Member A pretty good erotic vampire movie with a talented cast, it's actually surprising it's so underrated. Rated 3.5/5 Stars •  Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars 01/15/23 Full Review Audience Member It was okay, not too bad but not good either. I only watched it because I love vampires. This movie has the gothic vibe on point, however it seems like the movie skips parts, there are things missing in it, the story isnt coherent. The plot is basically missing. The only thing that isn't missing is boobs. I wish Charlotte had chosen the vampire though, he died just to make her happy. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 01/15/23 Full Review Audience Member A thin plot stung together by erotic soft core borderline pornography. That is only held together by Alyssa Milano's mild acting. Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 02/11/23 Full Review Audience Member Embrace of the Vampire: 10 out of 10: Vampire seeks young virgin whose soul is the rebirth of his long lost love and whom he must seduce before her eighteenth birthday. Let's talk about porn. At some point in a relationship, it is time to Netflix and chill. Not on the first date of course. One doesn't want to come across as Travis Bickle. (Even non-porn first date movies can be tricky I am looking your way Hotel New Hampshire and The Piano). At some point though it is time to relax with some adult entertainment. This is a trap of course (particularly if your porn includes traps). Your partner will judge you by the porn you choose and the "is that what you like?" invariably comes up. An awkward conversation when Pornhub has Midget Stepsister IV saved to your favorites. The other problem with modern porn is so much of it looks like a medical film. I mean I appreciate the diligent camera work but I really don't need to see that in 4k or 3d. If I wanted an anatomy lesson I would have gotten an educational documentary. The porn industry kind of knows this so they have recently come up with porn for woman or porn for couples. An improvement but still pretty awful. And more importantly unnecessary. After all, we have the glorious soft core porn films of the late eighties and early nineties. And among all those Cinemax favorites and Red Shoe Diaries, there is Embrace of the Vampire. Through twenty-five years of research, I have concluded that Embrace of the Vampire is the best Netflix and chill film ever made. It has a recognizable cast including Jennifer Tilly, Charlotte Lewis, Jordan Ladd, and of course Alyssa Milano. Woman seem to love Alyssa Milano. She is young, sweet and doesn't look fourteen. (Cough Misty Mundae cough). In the movie she likes men, she likes women, she loves pillows, and she likes vampires. It is as if like an early season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer if Angel and Buffy had softcore sex scenes and Buffy also hooked up with Willow on occasion. In fact, it is so much like that I am somewhat convinced that Joss Whedon watched this film before penning his masterpiece. Look I know that the movie has um... faults. But as a Netflix and chill movie, it has just enough plot to not seem like a porn film and just enough porn not to lose the plot at home. The movie is like catnip for your partner. I highly recommended it Rated 5/5 Stars •  Rated 5 out of 5 stars 01/13/23 Full Review Read all reviews

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