Simon Birch

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Dragonfruit 2 My hatred for the little loser known as Simon Birch increased with every second I was forced to watch this doo doo water movie in my least favourite religion class. If I wasn't already an atheist before, this movie and especially Simon Birch would have made me one. According to my fellow sufferer friend, "this is my argument against the protestant reformation" The movie follows the "heart warming" story of two perverted and horny 12 year olds. Every time they breathe around a woman, they end up thinking about her boobs. You are 12. Chill. To make it even worse, Simon has a thing for his bestie's mom and views her sexually. Child of God my ass. Then Simon manages to kill his bestie's mom with a baseball and is too much of a coward to even show up to her funeral. Okay bro. After all this, his friend still manages to like his ass. Simon should've jumped when he had the chance. Our least favourite Christian Simon then proceeds to ruin a whole play because he got too horny and touches a girl's boobs. He gets told off by the pastor and suddenly the pastor is the bad guy and Simon is a hero. If your definition of hero is murderer and sexual offender then it works I guess. Overall, Simon is a character that makes you want to kill yourself. You couldn't pay me to watch this movie again. If you already hate Christians or are looking to become an atheist, this movie is for you. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 12/16/24 Full Review Jerod S Simon was born small and lived 'special' for his entire life. Things change when the mom he never had gets hit by a baseball and dies. It might be mushy - but it has smiles and values built in. Rated 3.5/5 Stars •  Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars 08/25/24 Full Review Maggie S I LOVE this movie. I don’t need to write something longwinded about it. I have seen it many many times! It’s just one of the movies, I am so thankful they made. So good xo Rated 5/5 Stars •  Rated 5 out of 5 stars 06/30/24 Full Review isla s This is very much a family film, one with a fair dosage of sentimentality, cheese and cliche. This isn't always a bad thing and there is something somehow comforting about it, even though you can guess most of what happens. Its an easy, light watch and it won't likely offend or upset people, which is a good thing I guess. It's not exactly memorable or particularly good but its a fairly decent watch - I wouldn't outright recommend it as such but there are certainly worse films out there, so, I'll leave it up to you whether you should bother to see it or not. Rated 3.5/5 Stars •  Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars 03/31/23 Full Review Audience Member Seriously, F the so-called “critics”. This movie is wonderful. Rated 5/5 Stars •  Rated 5 out of 5 stars 06/11/21 Full Review Audience Member This movie is moving AF. Sick of these depressed reviewers who think that movies have to be pretentious to be noteworthy. Rated 5/5 Stars •  Rated 5 out of 5 stars 01/28/23 Full Review Read all reviews

Simon Birch

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