Audience Member
The gore in this movie was pig intestines, fish heads and condoms. It was shot on a Super 8 camera by a 17 year old Nathan Schiff and his friends Fred Borges and John Smihula. And it starts with a girl being run over repeatedly with a lawnmower.
Yes, The Long Island Cannibal Massacre has no pretensions toward art, it just wants to help you get through this thing we call…life. There are two killers named Bruce and Zed who work for some unseen cannibals who speak like they're Elder Gods, if the Elder Gods were voiced by Frank Welker.
Beyond the onslaught of gore that even Herschell Gordon Lewis would find a bit fake, this movie has a bit of class warfare in it, but not so much that it eclipses the best part of this movie: two men have a chainsaw battle with real chainsaws and probably none of the proper safety materials as tons of the chunky red stuff sprays all over the place.
I mean, sons of leper cannibals rising up against their fathers only to be decimated? Give me all of that. This movie is a million times better than it should be and it only cost $900 to make.
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
02/06/23
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Audience Member
Z-budget film that put all of its money into gore effects (and they aren't really that good, but not that BAD either). Recommended only to bad horror movie aficionados.
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
02/17/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Cult underground horror director (not to mention writer, producer, editor, cinematographer, etc) Nathan Schiff follows up his demented and cultish Weasels Rip My Flesh with this "gem" of a film known as Long Island Cannibal Massacre. Shot on a vintage Super 8mm camera on a budget of what looks like 500 dollars, Long Island Cannibal Massacre begins with a bang, as an baghead and overalls-clad maniac viciously assaults and kills an unsuspecting young woman by way of lawnmower. As it turns out, the masked murderer and his biker pal go around killing a bevy of youngsters for Jack (who strangely resembles Ron Jeremy), a drunken and depressed young guy who's forced to constantly bring these dead kids to a hidden society of Long Island cannibalistic lepers, led by his father. It's up to Inspector Cameron, whose so obsessed with this case of dead missing kids that he quits the force to devote all of his time to it. Though the overall result of this film is unintentionally hilarious, badly aged, and rather bland throughout, there are several marks of pure genius throughout this film; I kid you not. The masked killer eerily resembles Baghead Jason, who would later appear a couple years later in Friday the 13th Part 2. Anytime this killer was on screen doing the nasty, the shots are done well and actually give off some chilling thrills. The way Schiff did the title with a stencil over a TV tuned to a dead channel in the opening credits is bordering on sheer brilliance. Though hilarious as times, the lines go from completely campy to strangely poetic. The supposed coolest chainsaw duel since Texas Chainsaw Massacre is indeed something that's amusing, especially since we're finally shown the infamous dad character (whose more like a giant monster instead of leper), however, NOTHING will ever beat the chainsaw duel of Motel Hell, period. The biggest laugh comes in the reveal of the masked killer, which makes absolutely ZERO sense given the realism and story structure, but then again, there's isn't much of either of these things to begin with in this film. Still, an amusing watch and definitely recommended to the more hardcore horror fan purists.
Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
01/21/23
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Audience Member
Blood , guts ,organs and everything else but a solid plot.
Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
02/02/23
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Audience Member
Right from the crude, hand drawn opening titles you know this is gonna rule. Excellent 8mm photography, really gross gore and ridiculous dialog from writer/producer/director/cinematographer/editor Nathan Schiff, a true auteur. The acting is mostly atrocious, but Fred Borges is great as one of the maniacs. In my favorite scene, he talks to a garbage bag full of human entrails, gets angry, hits it and then apologizes! Schiff made three other totally awesome 8mm features: "Weasels Rip My Flesh", "Vermillion Eyes" and "They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore".
Rated 4/5 Stars •
Rated 4 out of 5 stars
01/28/23
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Audience Member
Here's another film rating.
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
01/18/23
Full Review
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