The VelociPastor

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The VelociPastor

2018

1h 15m

Action

Adventure

Comedy

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Tomatometer

Popcornmeter

63%

Tomatometer

16 Reviews

76%

Popcornmeter

250+ Ratings

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. Although he is horrified by the new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime.

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Kristy Puchko

Pajiba

This dumb movie has a surprisingly sly sophistication...

Aug 15, 2019

Full Review

Nicolas Soto

But Why Tho? A Geek Community

[The Velocipastor] offers constant humor and action that’s reminiscent of films from the 70s and 80s. It never takes itself seriously, which makes it easier to enjoy the film even more.

Rated: 7.5/10

Jan 22, 2023

Full Review

Dev Shea

Nightmarish Conjurings

...If you go into THE VELOCIPASTOR just excited by the title and a man with dino hands, I think you are going to have an amazing experience in low budget indie horror.

Sep 15, 2022

Full Review

Josh Goller

Spectrum Culture

Despite hammy acting, no-effort practical effects and a plot that feels like the sugar-fueled daydreams of a hyperactive eight-year-old, The VelociPastor finds redemption in how faithfully it embraces camp.

May 6, 2022

Full Review

Jason Shawhan

Nashville Scene

2019's The VelociPastor is 75 minutes long and features dinosaur effects from Party City's inflatable aisle, but it knows exactly how seriously to take the material (not very). Cohan is disarmingly charming, and the laughs and gore pop up regularly.

Sep 25, 2021

Full Review

Alix Turner

Ready Steady Cut

A ludicrous monster movie which is way more entertaining than I expected, The Velocipastor really must be seen to be believed.

Rated: 3.5/5

Feb 4, 2021

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Evan M

This film, unlike the Super Mario Brothers Movie, is pure cinema. I took a great liking to the deep and inspiring story that is told throughout this film. Martin Scorcese did a great job directing this film and James Cameron is now my favorite producer. Back in 1979 when my wife died, this film helped me get through those tough time. I love the part when the velocipastor says "its velocipastoring time!" This is easily the greatest film of all time. Thank you.

Rated 5 out of 5 stars

11/12/24

Full Review

Robson C

Um padre, após perder os pais em uma explosão, decide viajar pelo mundo para se reencontrar com sua fé. Na China, ele socorre uma jovem que foi flechada e lhe entrega um dente de dinossauro. Ao se cortar nele, o padre descobre que pode se transformar em um dinossauro e, desta forma, passa a combater o crime. Eu sei que Velocipastor é uma grande piada ou alguém acreditaria que esta história é séria? Porém falta uma coisa: humor. Os atores são tão ruins que as piadas se perdem no filme. É claro que o padre transformado é risível. E não estou de mal humor. No início do filme, talvez tenha a melhor piada: o carro dos pais explode e em vez de termos a imagem ou a colagem de um carro em chamas, aparece apenas uma legenda, indicando que deveriam usar efeitos especiais para colocar um carro em chamas na vaga que aparece. O Ataque dos Tomates Assassinos também parte de uma premissa idiota. Também não é bom, mas pelo menos tem humor.

Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars

11/11/24

Full Review

Ian W

Absolute Cinema. 10/10.

Rated 5 out of 5 stars

10/19/24

Full Review

Yuli M

Nos metemos para mirarla irónicamente, terminó siendo cine🚬🚬🚬

Rated 5 out of 5 stars

09/29/24

Full Review

Felix G

Pudo ser peor. Aprecio que no se tome en serio a sí misma, pero tal vez debió aplicarlo aún más. Porque esta película es mala intencionalmente e inintencionalmente.

Rated 1 out of 5 stars

09/23/24

Full Review

j&h f

this movie was worse than i thought and i loved it so much. the special effects weren't in the room with us, they were the friends we made along the way. that being said, fun movie 10/10 can't wait for the sequel

Rated 4 out of 5 stars

09/06/24

Full Review

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Brendan Steere

Director

Greg Cohan

Doug Jones

Alyssa Kempinski

Carol

Daniel Steere

Father Stewart

Aurelio Voltaire

Altair

Fernando Pacheco De Castro

Frankie Mermaid

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Synopsis

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. Although he is horrified by the new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime.

Director: Brendan Steere
Producer: Jesse Gouldsbury, Brendan Steere, Brandon Taylor
Screenwriter: Brendan Steere
Production Co: Cyfuno Ventures, Laika Come Home, Hollow Tree Films
Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy
Original Language: English
Release Date (Streaming): Aug 13, 2019
Runtime: 1h 15m

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