Dark Universe

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Audience Member Film verdient es unter der Trash Collection von CMV geführt zu werden. Sehr sehr schlecht und dennoch sehr lustig. "DAS KNALL ICH AB!!!!" 2/5 Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 02/18/23 Full Review Audience Member What a useless waste of time this is. A shameless Alien ripoff that fails in every way possible, Dark Universe is the definition of ideological catharsis. With mere minutes of substantial entertainment it's about as shortchanging an experience as you can have in this life or the next. Which is putting it mildly. Lets examine it's basic elements shall we. You have the entrepreneurial space man Joe Estivez and ... space fungus? Which manages to alter a dude into the form of an insect? It then causes a ship to crash in Central Florida whereupon the indigenous society falls victim to the twisted genetic offspring of spores and armadillos? I can't help but feel that the location of such a crash has much more to do with the geographical grasp of the movie's producer than it has to do with actual chance. I could be wrong. Regardless of setting, this behemoth of doldrum managed to ensnare the next 70 minutes of my life by simply refusing to fucking end. I actually started to do other things. I would look back at the movie, engage about half of my attention, shake my head, and go back to what I was doing before. Multitasking is an essential defense mechanism when watching Dark Universe. If you don't keep busy you'll end up like an under-medicated mental patient in a mid-level math class. Dead. I could end the review right here and feel just fine about it. But in an vain attempt to gain my slobbering xenomorph merit badge I will tell you a bit more. A salacious bit of info, to which you alone will be privy. Watch the demise of the creature. Surely something so easy to defeat could inflict little on harm us. Or so you would think. Bear in mind that this very same creature survived re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere in ruinous hulk of trash but it can't survive a flare and ignited swap gases? [video of creature death] The creature was but one of the deadly conjurations of the dangerous orange spores; which also claimed an unsuspecting armadillo. [video of armadillo] It even presents itself in the form of a nacho. [space nacho] In the end we never really learn what happens to the protagonist or the spores. It was all a meaningless exercise in futility. Isn't that fun? Honestly this is one of the dumbest movies I've seen in a long time. Stay far away from it if you value your sanity. You won't get it back. Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 01/13/23 Full Review Audience Member In this comically moronic and disastrous ripoff of the Alien series, a space shuttle returning to Earth travels through a cloud teeming with spores that short-circuit the ship's life-support system, causing the vessel and its astronaut (Steve Barkett) to crash in the Everglades. When a rescue team and a reporter (Blake Pickett) head into the swamp to find the craft, they come face to face with an alien beast bent on carrying out an evil mission. Somewhere in there, the hilarious awful Joe Estevez shows up as well as a titty here and there, but this film is the type of film you watch whilst terribly drunk and with a bunch of friends. Completely ridiculous. Rated 2.5/5 Stars •  Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars 01/21/23 Full Review Read all reviews

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