Audience Member
Not Punt Intended It SUCKED
Half of a half of a half of a star. Lowest Rating ever on Flixster
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/23/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Oh Lord help me! Give me the strength to finish this review!
-Okay, so i have officially encountered thee stupidest, thee lamest, thee most poorly constructed, F-rated shit grenade to ever be filmed. Let me start by clarifying that i am NOT an avid fan of Jesus Franco's later career. Many of his earlier movies aren't so bad, but seriously, the stupid old geezer can't decide whether he wants to shoot a porno or a horror flick! 'Killer Barby's vs. Dracula' is definitely part of his more crappy works.
-Instead of just ripping 'Killer Barby's vs. Dracula' to shit shreds, i am going to highlight exactly what this film DID NOT contain that other, great works of horror have. The first thing that the movie lacks is any creativity in directing, wardrobe, script, effects, sets and cast. Surprisingly you need a little bit of each one of these things to even make it half memorable! I understand it was supposed to be campy and silly, but it just turned out awful. The movie was just so poorly thrown together and a waste of time that i cant really see why they decided to try to film it. The cast just screws around and forgets their lines and just acts like absolute chimpanzee's! Most of the film is fill-in scenes of the idiotic band 'Killer Barby's' performing the lamest concerts ever. The lead singer sounds like a Gazelle with a bag of shit stuck in its throat! It was just awful. The overdone, wanna-be acting, and pathetic comedy brought forth by the cast makes you want to just take your own life, seriously. There is a very ridiculous, Transylvanian woman who brings Dracula's coffin to Spain and just leaves it in a back studio lot????? Come on!! Why was this even filmed? Dracula is some bald idiot that runs around like a circus clown! I can't believe an actual director would sit there and allow this shit to be filmed! What was he thinking?!!! Why would Dracula come back to life from some shit band playing one of the most god awful, annoying songs to ever be heard in existence!! The lame comedy didn't even save this shit-gem. It's like it couldn't decide if it wanted to be a comedy, a soft-core porn, or a horror film. Old, stupid ass Jesus Franco in all of his Alzheimer's glory just sort of nodded when they brought stuff to him. Dracula costume? <nod>, European Bimbo's that cant sing for shit?? <nod>. Come on? Really?? What does the old bastard think he can do, just shit in our faces like this and expect people to buy this shit-whizz??? What an old asshole. I guess he just had a different idea of horror than everyone else, torture the audience with cheap gags and awful banter.
-Conclusion: This movie is honestly so stupid and lame that it shouldn't even be allowed to be placed in the horror category. It is just trash that you might as well download or watch for free because it doesn't deserve one fleck of revenue from anybody. Just for the record too, the Killer Barbies don't even fight Dracula!!!!! Everybody just kind of gets their turns at shoving a big, wooden dildo into Dracula's heart at the rat-piss ending. Oh yeah, and Dracula is a bald, Lukemia patient that runs around like an idiot. Hows that for butchering a feared icon of horror. The most important question is "Wheres the gore and death?" Franco may have been a master of horror back in the day, but a lot of his newer movies like this are just stupid.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/12/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Oh dear... How very disappointing! I'm a huge Jess Franco fan, but this is a stinker of a film. The Killer Barbies music was excellent; Silvia superstar looks hot as always. Even a great cameo from Lina romay couldn't save this car crash.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/25/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Oh my gawd.... what the hell was that? I've never seen a vampire dance out his stake, that Nazi body guard of Draculas was something else, and was that brail porn? lol This movie had some catchy lines in it here and there but no boobs.... damn tease. I am just pretty much speechless right now....
Rated 1.5/5 Stars •
Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars
01/16/23
Full Review
Audience Member
The movie may be a complete shit, but as a fan of Jess Franco, Lina Romay AND the punk band featured in the movie, I just had to enjoy this movie. I couldn't help it. It's horrible, so if you're not a fan of any of the above, avoid this one like the plague.
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
01/16/23
Full Review
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