Pinocchio

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Katie R “I like it but not a lot…I don’t like it.” - Gru Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 06/16/25 Full Review daffy d By Daffy “Realer Than a Wooden Boy” Duck 🦆🎭🧚‍♀️ Ohhh boy… strap in, feather friends. Because this one? This one had me squawkin’ in disbelief. 😵 When I heard Disney was turning Pinocchio into a live-action/CGI hybrid, I thought, “Hey, this could be magical! Heartfelt! Whimsical!” And then… I watched it. And I turned to my pal Porky Pig and said: “What in the BLUE FAIRY’S NAME did I just watch?!” 🪵 THE STORY (wooden and wobbly): You know the tale: Geppetto makes a puppet. A fairy brings him to life. If Pinocchio proves he’s brave, truthful, and unselfish, he gets to be a real boy. Classic, right? Sweet, right? Well, this version somehow manages to feel like a puppet version of the original! Lifeless. Painted. Going through the motions. It’s like someone copied their homework but forgot to include the heart. 💔 🎩 THE CHARACTERS (and boy do I have thoughts): Tom Hanks as Geppetto – I mean, the man’s a national treasure, but here? He looked like he got lost on his way to a community theater audition. Bless him, he tried, but even he looked confused about why he was talking to a floating fish and a doll with a Siri voice. Pinocchio – He looks exactly like the cartoon version… and somehow still manages to feel less expressive. It’s like watching a screensaver beg for love. Jiminy Cricket – voiced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, doing a southern gentleman routine that had me wondering if Foghorn Leghorn had a cousin in the insect kingdom. He’s charming, sure, but feels more like an accessory than a conscience. 🎨 THE VISUALS (CGI sugar overload): Everything is glossy, floaty, and just… weirdly off. The CGI is pretty, but in the way a plastic fruit bowl is pretty: it looks fine until you try to bite into it. The whole world feels weightless. Too clean. Too perfect. It’s supposed to be magical, but it comes off more like a tech demo than a fairy tale. 🧚 CHANGES FROM THE ORIGINAL (cue dramatic thunderclap): They made some big changes—and not the good kind! No donkey transformation trauma??! C’mon! That scene haunted generations—in a GOOD way! They changed the ending so Pinocchio never even becomes a real boy. WHAAAAT?! Instead, they give this vague, wishy-washy “he’s real in his heart” stuff. NO! That’s like me winning a pie-eating contest and someone handing me a salad. 🎯 FINAL DAFFY-NITION: This version of Pinocchio feels like someone glued a golden frame around an empty picture. It looks nice. It has moments of charm. But it’s missing the guts, the grit, the dark whimsy that made the original so powerful. Tom Hanks tried to hold it together like a lonely duck with duct tape, but even his mustache couldn't save it. ⭐ Daffy Score: 2 out of 5 lying noses If you're curious, watch it once. But if you want the REAL magic? Go watch the 1940 original. Or hey, even Guillermo del Toro’s version—it’s darker, but way more meaningful. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pitch a Daffy-nocchio remake where I play the puppet and every lie I tell makes my bill grow. (Spoiler: I'd look FABULOUS.) Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 06/10/25 Full Review Andy C The cricket got me gooning at least. Rated 2.5/5 Stars •  Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars 05/28/25 Full Review Jessica P I really enjoyed this movie. I don't understand why it got such horrible reviews! Rated 4.5/5 Stars •  Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars 05/26/25 Full Review Guilherme F Esse filme é totalmente sem graça, Não tem grandes mudanças, Mas uma coisa que mudou e incomodou muito á mim, Foi que o filme passa pano para tudo que o Pinóquio faz, Em resumo esse filme é muito pequeno comparado ao original, Apesar de ter poucas mudanças, É um filme totalmente sem sal. Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 06/22/25 Full Review Carlos Samuel E Aunque la película fue una crítica por su CGI, y por ser una película con mucha inteligencia artificial, la película es buena y deja enseñanza, por mi parte el CGI Pudo haberse vuelto un poco mejor y colocar personajes reales pero está bien la película para ver en familia. Rated 4/5 Stars •  Rated 4 out of 5 stars 05/03/25 Full Review Read all reviews

Pinocchio

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