Werewolf

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Audience Member Werewolf: 2 out of 10: Wow, this is a perfect mess. First off, it "stars" Joe Estevez. Yes, Martin Sheen's brother. Star of some of the worst films ever made. (A shocking 191 films according to his IMDb page with a discouraging 13 still waiting to be released.) Maybe one of the reasons he can star in so many movies is that he only works for a few days at a time. In Werewolf, he disappeared without explanation a third of the way through the film and was barely in the movie, to begin with. However, I guess when your cast consists of non-English speaking Eurotrash, Estevez seems like a draw. Speaking of the rest of the cast, we have Jorge Rivero whose hair changes in every scene and is the most interesting character in the film (The hair mind you, not Jorge). Richard Lynch who plays the male lead with all the charisma of soggy toast. Adrianna Miles who I thought were two different actresses. (One character lives in the house with the gun-toting Santa Claus where she types in panties. The other character has never been to the house and lusts after Lynch.) It turns out the script was more confused than I, and it is the same girl. Adrianna Miles is unquestionably attractive and has those nice deer in headlight eyes, but her grasp of the English language is tenuous at best. She cannot wrap her lips around the word werewolf. (It comes out wahr-wil, wahrwilf, wearwaollf, etc.) Which usually would not be a problem for a talented actress but this film is called Werewolf and requires her to speak this lycanthropic tongue twister multiple times to ever more hilarious effect. Speaking of confusing, the "werewolf" appears as a giant bear, a broken bat puppet, an elderly version of teen wolf (driving a compact car no less), and something else entirely from the depths of cinematic hell. At no time does it look like an actual werewolf. I could go on for hours (The moon stays full through the entire picture. That racist Santa Claus I mentioned above who runs the bed and breakfast). I think it is time to let Mike and the Bots take over. Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 10 episode 4: 10 out of 10: This is my favorite MST3K episode out of the 200 or so that I have watched. One of the best riffing jobs Mike and the bots have ever accomplished (Wow. The future conditional pluperfect subjunctive). The host segments with the singing of that 60's girl group favorite "Where, Oh Werewolf." They sing the end credits to a bizarre version of Fleetwood Mac's Tusk. I could go on and on. True the awful nature of the movie gives these James Lipton fanboys a big lift up (Werewolf is no The Starfighters). But the entire team runs with it firing on all cylinders. If you ever want to introduce MST3K to a potential new fan, this is an excellent film to start with. Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 01/13/23 Full Review Audience Member If Tommy Wiseau directed a horror movie. So stupidly funny, I was laughing hard enough that my face hurt and I was crying actual tears. And the old NRA guy who runs the bed-and-breakfast...wow. He. Is. My. Everything. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 02/24/23 Full Review Audience Member Just... Just unapologetically awful from start to finish. But has one of the best reasons for a person to become a werewolf ever put to screen: The bloke gets absolutely brained by a werewolf skull in the first act. Rated 1.5/5 Stars •  Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars 01/22/23 Full Review Audience Member The lenticular cover on the box for the original VHS release was more entertaining and had better effects and acting. Seriously. Easily the worst movie I've ever watched. A remarkably bad film. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 02/12/23 Full Review Audience Member Do NOT watch this movie unless it is the MST3K version. You have been warned. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 02/23/23 Full Review Audience Member The MST3K version is perhaps one of the best. By itself, this movie is atrocious. That's all I can really say. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 01/19/23 Full Review Read all reviews

Werewolf

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