Conan the Barbarian

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The Savage Sword C Conan. 2011 As a dedicated fan of Conan of Cimmeria—what many movie enthusiasts, particularly those who admire Arnold Schwarzenegger, refer to as "Conan the Barbarian"—I was promised a film that would finally be true to the essence of the novels by the brilliant author Robert E. Howard. In my opinion, Conan surpasses Tarzan in American literature. Over the years, Conan has evolved significantly, and his intellectual property is now overseen by Frederik Malmberg. However, we've seen a mixed bag of adaptations, starting with the 1980s film, which I like to call "Clonan." While it bore Conan's name, it was more of a Kull adventure, which confuses the two distinct characters. By the way, Conan's debut story was initially a Kull adventure before it transitioned into the Conan we know today. Following that, we got mildly entertaining cartoons for kids and a forgettable TV series. Then came the 2011 film featuring Jason Momoa. After his standout role as Khal Drogo, my excitement was palpable; however, studio interference ruined what could have been a great adaptation. Regrettably, we ended up with yet another mediocre interpretation. I genuinely believe Jason could have been a superior Conan—he'd have been even more fitting than “no-lines” Arnold—if they had dyed his hair black and given him blue contacts and a better script we would have had a Robert E. Howard-worthy Conan that would have easily matched Frank Frazetta’s iconic portrayals (and for trivia, Frank didn’t even read the books before illustrating Conan—just a nugget for you). Stephen Lang was an excellent choice for the villain, yet again, a Hollywood movie has a strong cast but a poor script. The opening scene had promise, but quickly devolved into the same tired revenge plot that Conan’s narrative never embraced. His tribe was never slain; he was a boy with dreams that reached beyond Cimmeria, ignited by his grandfather’s timeless stories. His philosophy, "I love, I love, I slay; therefore I am content," encapsulates his character in ways this movie utterly failed to grasp. They attempted to honor Howard's vision but faltered at nearly every turn. As an action film, it serves its purpose for casual viewing—it's decent enough for a one-time watch, but falls short of becoming a classic like the original Conan the Barbarian. Even "Destroyer" holds up better, perhaps thanks to both CtB/CtD's memorable soundtracks—both of which I maintain are cinematic scores that surpass all others. In terms of a sword-and-sorcery adventure, you might get some entertainment. Still, this film misses the mark entirely when it comes to delivering a faithful Conan of Cimmeria experience. How difficult can it be to create a Conan movie or series? A plethora of short stories by Howard and stellar comics have come after, which do justice to the IP and the genre far better than this. By Crom, I rank this film third in the Conan series. Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 07/07/25 Full Review thiago s Filme fraco, o roteiro é fraco, as cenas são fracas, a história é fraca, o elenco é fraco, e ninguém ajudou a melhorar o filme, os personagens são fracos, e o filme deveria ter cenas bem melhores e relevantes, para fazer o filme ser bom. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 05/20/25 Full Review Stephen C Too ****ing violent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why bother? The USA grossed over $21,300,000.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 06/24/25 Full Review Geoffrey V Apples and oranges is the way to see this movie, if you're going to compare them. They're both fruit, they're both good, just the skin is different. The original lumbered on with little action, and the remake just boiled over with action. Perhaps, in the near or more probably distant future, the newest version of Conan of Cimmeria will get it right on the money. So, until then, I recommend you enjoy them both, and let the debate of which is better continue. Rated 4/5 Stars •  Rated 4 out of 5 stars 03/17/25 Full Review GI S Conan-diana Jones and the Temple of Doom An unnecessary and uninspired reboot that borrows more from the Indiana Jones series than the previous Conan films. Apparently this project was in development since the 90s and geez it shows with multiple writers jumbling up a simple premise into incoherence. Morgan Freeman's rambling narration at the start of the film was the first sign of problems. Then it's a half hour of the young adventures of Conandiana Jones which is really only saved by the amazing presence of Ron Perlman as Conan's dad. The cast is actually great in this, the main cast at least, and the set/costume design is stellar. For a bit I thought Mad Max Fury Road stole some character designs from this film, but apparently it was the other way around lol. What really is intolerable in this movie is the quick cuts (any scene with action cuts every 1 or 2 seconds) and the CGI which is used sparingly but when it's there it's awful and avoidable (who wants to watch Conan fight CGI sand men?). The ending is almost beat-for-beat the ending of Temple of Doom too. The only saving grace is that they went with an R rating, including some graphic violence and nudity/sex. This movie is bad, but in a good way where you can make fun of it the entire time. Rated 2.5/5 Stars •  Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars 02/02/25 Full Review Charlotte R The worst film ever. In every way. I hate it so much. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 01/04/25 Full Review Read all reviews

Conan the Barbarian

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