Mean Machine

R

Released Feb 22, 2002

1 hr. 38 min.

Comedy

Drama

List

34%

56 Reviews

Tomatometer

72%

25,000+ Ratings

Audience Score

In a rough-and-tumble British prison, where murderers, thieves and assorted madmen are locked away, inmate Danny Meehan (Vinnie Jones) is about to lead them all in the ultimate battle of their degenerate lives -- but no one could have guessed it would be a soccer match! Now, in an all-out playoff against the despised guards, the prisoners' goal isn't just to make goals; it's to prove the indomitable nature of the spirit, no matter how much it gets kicked, bloodied or knocked around.

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Critics Consensus

Despite some genuine wit, this crowd pleaser is filled with too many cliches.

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jordan m

The comedy was better here than it had been in the '74 original, but I can't honestly say I enjoyed it more as soccer is just not a particularly interesting sport. They did a good job of showing that it can be more violent than it generally is but the entire notion of not using one's hands puts the sport in the same boat as boxing for me, where the severe limitations reduce its strength as a metaphor for war, which is the goal of all sports. Statham's character was more interesting than Vinnie's and they added a gambling aspect that improved the plot quite a bit for me as it gave the warden a reason to try and ruin a man's life over a game.

Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars

03/31/23

Full Review

Audience Member

One of the most enjoyable movies ever!

Rated 5 out of 5 stars

01/24/23

Full Review

Audience Member

This film is okay but a bit silly in parts especially jason Statham Scottish accent and he's meant to not be out of his cage for workout but gets to play a goal keeper in this movie okay them and the cook who is inside for making bombs who spits everywhere when he shouts I think he should have been put somewhere else

Rated 2 out of 5 stars

01/30/23

Full Review

Audience Member

A highly amusing entertaining film . One of jones better films . Worth a watch

Rated 5 out of 5 stars

02/11/23

Full Review

Audience Member

Most would remember Sandler's longest yard version of this classic. But this Brit version is funny on its own way. It has some dull moments but mostly it's a fun watch. Watch how this stiff action studs Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham do stupid things out of their usual stereotype character. Statham's role, Monk, stole the show, he's just a dumb angry bloke that wants to hurt anyone. LOL

Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars

02/13/23

Full Review

Audience Member

Doesn't hold a candle to the original movie "The Longest Yard". For starters, Vinnie Jones is no replacement for Burt Reynolds. But a lot of the humour, originally written for a contact sport being played in a deep south American prison in the 70's, just doesn't work as well when translated to a soccer game being played in an English prison in the 2000's. It passed the time, but it is the weakest installment of the three versions I've seen of this film.

Rated 2 out of 5 stars

02/25/23

Full Review

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Barry Skolnick

Director

Vinnie Jones

Danny

Jason Statham

Monk

David Kelly

Doc

David Hemmings

The Governor

Vas Blackwood

Massive

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Mean Machine: Official Clip - Monk to Save the Day

2:11

Mean Machine: Official Clip - Solitary Confinement

1:56

Mean Machine: Official Clip - Danny's Story

2:13

Mean Machine: Official Clip - Goal!!!

1:57

Mean Machine: Official Clip - Try-Outs

1:57

Mean Machine: Official Clip - The Game Winner

2:13

Mean Machine: Official Clip - It's Showtime!

2:08

Mean Machine: Official Clip - Lightning Can Strike Twice

1:54

Mean Machine: Official Clip - Doc's Story

1:55

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Empire Magazine

Rated: 3/5

Dec 30, 2006

Full Review

Robert K. Elder

Chicago Tribune

Holds its ground as a mid-budget Hollywood knockoff.

Rated: 2.5/4

Jul 20, 2002

Full Review

Steven Rea

Philadelphia Inquirer

A likably energetic star vehicle for English sports god Vinnie Jones.

Rated: 3.5/4

Mar 14, 2002

Full Review

Apollo Guide

Rated: 65/100

May 13, 2005

Full Review

Brian Walker

ViewLondon

Rated: 1/5

May 10, 2005

Full Review

Harry Guerin

RTÉ (Ireland)

By the final whistle you're convinced that this Mean Machine was a decent TV outing that just doesn't have big screen magic.

Rated: 2/5

Mar 26, 2003

Full Review

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Synopsis

In a rough-and-tumble British prison, where murderers, thieves and assorted madmen are locked away, inmate Danny Meehan (Vinnie Jones) is about to lead them all in the ultimate battle of their degenerate lives -- but no one could have guessed it would be a soccer match! Now, in an all-out playoff against the despised guards, the prisoners' goal isn't just to make goals; it's to prove the indomitable nature of the spirit, no matter how much it gets kicked, bloodied or knocked around.

Director: Barry Skolnick
Screenwriter: Andy Day, Chris Baker
Distributor: Paramount Pictures
Production Co: Paramount Pictures
Rating: R (Some Violence|Language)
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Original Language: English
Release Date (Theaters): Feb 22, 2002, Wide
Release Date (Streaming): Mar 13, 2017
Box Office (Gross USA): $92.7K
Sound Mix: Dolby Stereo, Dolby Digital, Dolby A, Surround, Dolby SR
Aspect Ratio: Scope (2.35:1)

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