Tortoise in Love

2010

1h 30m

Comedy

List

45%

11 Reviews

Tomatometer

43%

50+ Ratings

Audience Score

A gardener at a huge estate falls in love with a beautiful summer guest.

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Deborah Ross

The Spectator

I think I could forgive the woeful script and the woeful characters and woeful performances if it weren't for all the horribly tedious sexism.

Sep 1, 2018

Full Review

Peter Bradshaw

Guardian

It's gentle, well-meaning, a bit watery.

Rated: 2/5

Jul 12, 2012

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Anna Pintus

Little White Lies

Laugh-out-loud humour and a replacement for Hugh Grant replacement. Bish bosh.

Rated: 3/5

Jul 12, 2012

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Daniel Green

CineVue

Tortoise in Love is a pungent red herring, a fatally unfunny comedy that's neither warm nor enchanting.

Rated: 1/5

Jan 30, 2019

Full Review

Louise Keller

Urban Cinefile

There's an easy charm about Guy Browning's debut film Tortoise in Love that is not only set in Kingston Bagpuize, Oxfordshire, but whose community members became involved in its making

Aug 11, 2012

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Graham Young

Birmingham Post

A decidedly old fashioned film that has a big heart in many of the right places despite its modest means.

Rated: 3/5

Jul 19, 2012

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Audience Member

A nice film, simple story and easy to watch. A bit silly at times but otherwise reasonably enjoyable and entertaining film.

Rated 3 out of 5 stars

02/25/23

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Audience Member

The basic plot is that a guy is too slow to approach a girl Rest all is paraphernalia which does not move the story at all. if the girl was to be just in one room and this guy was to fooled into that room this could have been done in 1st scene it self saving us the time from watching the entire movie. The british humour works but it does not do anything for the plot.

Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars

02/13/23

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Audience Member

Nice but not much spark to it, and sometimes a bit am-dram too.

Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars

02/20/23

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Audience Member

the acting could be much better. however, it has a sweet sweet story that is very pleasing to watch.

Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars

01/21/23

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Audience Member

A Britcom trying to be funny, but, well, turns out to be not that funny.

Rated 2 out of 5 stars

02/04/23

Full Review

Audience Member

You know that a film has failed when you check your watch several times during it, waiting for it to end, and cringing all the way through. I don't normally review movies but we went to see this film because it was rated 7.5 on IMBD. Normally the IMBD rating is a good indicator of the quality of the film. but in this case it was totally wrong. I read that this film was made by an entire village and some of them reviewed it on IMBD . They have a vested interest and they want you to go see the film. Don't bother. It's pretty painful to watch. Here are the reasons why I did not enjoy it: It is devoid of any talent - in the acting, writing, dialogue, concept, etc. It's bad all round. It's amateur dramatics packaged as a British romantic comedy. But it's no 'Notting Hill' or 'Love Actually'. The actors leave A LOT to be desired. Apparently the lead male is a dead ringer for Hugh Grant and the lead actors are meant to be good looking. They are very average looking though. Unfortunately the lead actor Tom also does not possess a brain. He's gormless, boring and dull. The film makes a lot of his 'slowness' in pursuing his love interest. But he's just slow altogether. Of course this is a problem because it makes for extremely dull watching. The leading lady is apparently a talented musician who is trying her hand at acting. I think she should stick to the day job because there is no evidence of talent there in acting. The little boy in the film (the owner's son) is also completely dull to watch. There is no chemistry between the leading characters. It's completely awkward when they kiss at the end and finally get together. In fact, we don't even know why the leading man Tom likes Anya, and vice versa. This is because we know so little about these characters, and they know so little about each other seeing as they barely spoke in this film. The characters come across as desperate for a romance while all the while there is no chemistry. So they come across as desperate, period. It's also meant to be a romantic comedy. It's neither. I laughed at one joke in the entire film. I was in a cinema and there was not much laughter going on either. I found all 4 professional/critical reviews that are online about this film and each one gave it 2 out of 5. That tells you everything you need to know. I wish I'd read them before I went to see it and wasted my $15. Ignore the 7.5 rating on IMBD

Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars

02/21/23

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Guy Browning

Director

Mike Kemp

Albert

Steven Elder

Brendan

Lesley Staples

Mrs Summers

Anna Scott

Jane

Kate Terence

Liz Collington

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Synopsis

A gardener at a huge estate falls in love with a beautiful summer guest.

Director: Guy Browning
Screenwriter: Guy Browning
Genre: Comedy
Original Language: English
Release Date (Streaming): Jan 29, 2016
Runtime: 1h 30m

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