KEVIN C
Okay so a quartet of friends head out to the desert to take photographs, although the desert is mostly a gravelly road, and almost immediately are attacked by a skinny dude in overalls and a mask wielding a machete. If this was really a desert he'd have died of heat stroke. Not really any rhyme or reason for any of it. My favourite scene was when the killer hit a guy in the face with the machete causing it to embed itself in his forehead. Then five minutes later he awakes with barely a scratch … whew.
This might be fun with a group of drunk friends for a laugh.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
10/27/22
Full Review
Audience Member
The soundtrack is almost nonexistent and when it appears it's very cheesy and laughable which is not a good thing when it's supposed to be soundtrack for a horror movie. The acting is atrocious. Examples: When one of the characters gives him money so he doesn't kill them he eats it which I consider overacting, the screams of horror sound very fake, the actor who plays Quiltface grunts a lot and tends to overact, etc. The characters are bland, uninteresting, boring, and often unlikable, and often stupid at times. I mean who in the hell thinks that a sadistic psychotic serial killer would want money and sex? And hell, even the killer is stupid at times! I mean why did he just agree to let that one girl loose? That's not what a serial killer would do! The pacing is all over the place. There is no atmosphere, tension, or suspense to be found in this movie due to how obnoxious the characters are and even the killer from time to time, the poor execution, lack of sound design, and stupidity of the characters. Every kill scene is exactly the same. Quiltface swings his machete, the camera cuts, and the next scene is the weapon embedded in the victim in some way. The audio quality is very bad. It often echos, the sound effect is louder than the video itself, and the sound effect and soundtrack are poorly placed in the video. The sound effects are abysmal, as when one girl gets a machete to her head it sounds like someone biting into a Cheeto. The camera work is also very amateurish and cheesy as it looks like it was filmed with an early 1980's home video camera. It's also very painful to watch because the daylight often illuminates onto the lenses, you can barely see the characters faces, you get too much detail of the sky and the buildings and not enough of anything else, it looks like the print was damaged, and overall it looks ugly. The gore is cheesy and is almost nonexistent. The killer isn't scary and is easily overpowered at times. It's just boring overall. The final guy gets a machete to the head and still somehow survives. The guy who lives in the trailer turning out to be just as crazy and even working with Quiltface was just dumb and unnecessary to the fullest extent. This movie is easily the worst slasher film I've ever seen!
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/26/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Carnage Road (aka Carnage: The Legend of Quiltface)
Starring: Dean Paul, Molinee Dawn, Melissa Brown, and Mack Hail
Director: Massimiliano Cerchi
Four photography students head into the Nevada desert to take photos for an extra credit assignment, but they find themselves stalked by a machete-weiding killer who wears a mask fashioned from the faces of his victims.
This is quite possibly one of the worst slasher movies ever made. The pacing is bad; the establishing shots go on well after the setting has been established and they keep repeating; the dialogue and characters are lame (with Hail's portrayal of an obnoxious van driver being the most interesting character in the whole piece); the acting is atrocious (although, in fairness, Paul and Dawn actually started out pretty good--the scenes of them in their apartment lifted my hopes forthe rest of the film... only to dash them); the kills are weak and dull (and repetatively weak and dull... I think the production must have only had one cut-away weapon to use); the gore effects are on the level of a high school backyard camcorder production; and the foley artist was probably the most incompetent of everyone who worked on the production (the same teeth-grinding sort of sound was used no matter what Quiltface chopped, the punching sounds were just bad, and he missed the opportunity to cock a gun).
The only thing that saves this movie from being a 0-Tomato effort is the unintentional comedy that grows out of the final battle (well, more like the final slap-fight) between Quiltface and Robert (Paul), the last survivor of his rampage, and the way that Paul illustrates [i]exactly[/i] what it means to "cry like a little girl."
I'm sure he behaves like I would if confronted with a mad killer wearing a mask made of human faces, but the simpering and shrieking like a 12-year-old shcool girl doesn't exactly make him appear manly and it is quite hilarious to watch. So is the fact that Paul has to take babysteps and not run very fast so that the actor playing Quiltface can keep up, what with his restricted vision in the mask and the rocky desert floor.
I suppose that the electronic score was also a little better and more efffectively implemented than is typical for a movie like this.
The bottomline, though, is that "Carnage Road" is another one of those movies that is worth watching to see how NOT to make a movie.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/18/23
Full Review
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