Nov 30, 2011
January is notorious for being that time of year when the worst movies hit theaters. Most mainstream films that are released during this month are those which studios feel are the least likely to be well-received. If the first weekend of 2011 is any indication, it is going to be an ugly month. As the first new nationwide film, Season of the Witch sets a new sub-standard in January horribleness.
The movie is set during the Black Death era of the Middle Ages and begins with a ridiculous battle montage showing crusaders attacking heathens. This happens before the main characters are even introduced and displays post-300 slow motion battle shots in glorious PG-13 bloodless violence. The heroes are revealed to be war veterans Behmen (Nicolas Cage) and Felson (Ron Pearlman). They conveniently realize after several years of battles that their warmongering could threaten innocent people. So, they desert their posts but are captured and incarcerated thereafter. For their freedom, they agree to accompany a woman accused of witchcraft to be tried in a distant village. The journey's duration introduces other characters who live exactly up to expectations, meaning they are killed off or act heroically whenever the script calls for it. The witch is presented as seductively evil, and there actually is a good line between her and Behmen. It's the only well-written part of the whole film.
Behmen and Felson do not speak with British accents although other characters do. Their speech remains unmodified for the setting, which is indicative of the studio's lack of belief that the movie would be good. Cage has a lot of debt, so he probably signed on under the condition he wouldn't have to fake anything. Characters in smaller roles have a bit more freedom to experiment with accents, but sometimes forget to use it. A bad movie night game could be played determining whose voice just changed.
The story owes a great deal to Ingmar Bergman's classic The Seventh Seal minus the ambiguity of the plot. Bergman would have been aggravated that this re-imagining of his story assumes audiences are idiots. Here is one of many examples: Behmen and company see a forest with heavy fog ahead of them, arrive, and finally alert us that the fog is thick. This technique is used yet again when the group arrives at the village. The titular witch is revealed to be a demon in disguise. It's similarly applied to the film's visuals by watching real world objects transform into cheesy CGI abominations. The special effects are very low budget, which signifies where the majority of the budget went.
Fortunately, the film's popular title provides an opportunity to share interesting trivia. The first two Halloween films were followed by an unrelated sequel called Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which has now happened again if one considers the recent Rob Zombie films. Halloween III was given its subtitle despite witches or witchcraft having no part in the plot, similar to how this new film is actually about a demon. George Romero's 1972 film Hungry Wives was re-titled Season of the Witch when Halloween III was released on home video and is the only one of the films to include Donovan's song "Season of the Witch" on its soundtrack. It is also the only one of the three that actually concerns witchcraft.
Debating trivia with friends is likely to be a better experience than watching Season of the Witch. Even by both Nicolas Cage and January standards is it bad. The fact that it was directed by Dominic Sena who made the worst film of 2009 in Whiteout, completes a triangle of awfulness that is unlikely to be matched in 2011.
Not Recommended
Verified