Serge C
Sorry Joe Bob & Darcy I couldn't make it through this movie, I was utterly bored and nothing about it could keep my attention.
1/2🍿
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
07/05/23
Full Review
stan c
This was called Death Train in other markets for a reason. 90% of this movie takes place on a steam train, which is a complete departure from the premise. This is billed as the Prince of Darkness wants a coed as his bride… and the setup is a movie I actually want to watch. Unfortunately, we got a train movie with an invisible unholy ghost killing people. It's slow and terrible. It's only worth watching for the gore & death scenes, which aren't bad - oh, and THE MOST OBVIOUS TRAIN MODELS USED FOR CRASHES. Seriously, it's like watching Danger 5. It's not even a cult classic, just a bad movie. I normally hate spoilers but I have to say this because of how insane it is.
**SPOILER** So, the main story starts off & it's obvious the Final Girl needs to be used for some kind of ritual (or something). Then there's like a 65 minute intermission on a train before the story picks up again. **SPOILER** **SPOILER** **SPOILER** Final Girl was marked to be the bride of Satan and the entire point of this movie is to get this virgin to him. At the end, an old lady checks her out, sees she isn't a virgin anymore and everyone explodes. Yeah. Why isn't she a virgin? Because she boned the homeless guy with an 80's synth flute on the train. He was secretly a DEAD 17TH CENTURY MONK SENT BY JESUS TO MAKE SURE SHE WASN'T A VIRGIN TO SPOIL SATAN'S WEDDING PLANS. Admittedly, that sounds pretty metal BUT IT IS NOT. This movie was a complete mess - with the exception of the girl who ripped her own face off. Hat's off to the crew for that one.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
03/31/23
Full Review
Audience Member
visual delight! a classic satan's bride story with shlocky kills and a sweet ending. top notch practicals for a 3.
Rated 4.5/5 Stars •
Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars
01/20/23
Full Review
Audience Member
A group of students take a trip to Eastern Europe with their professor to witness a sacred pagan ritual, but quickly learn that their professor indents for them to be sacrificed at said ritual. The professor also takes a special interest in one virginal co-ed, since a virgin sacrifice is something special for bringing Satan to life. Most of the film takes place on a possessed train and includes a lot of low budget gore, which is kind of fun if that's your sort of thing. The story however is pretty still when the main suspense of the film involved whether the virginal co-ed will have sex before Satan returns to take over the world. This film is by no means a good horror film, but for fans of cheap Italian horror, it does have some appealing elements. There is some vivid color photography, quirky European settings, and there's also some kind of fun use of low budget miniature sets. I enjoyed this film, which actually bears no connection to the first two "Beyond the Door" films, but I would not recommend it for anyone who's not a fan of Euro Horror.
Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
01/31/23
Full Review
Audience Member
American tourists and the Yogaslavian rail road vs. Satan and followers. Love those miniture shots.
"SHE'S NOT A VIRGIN!"-Old Woman (Olga Poznatoz)
Rated 4/5 Stars •
Rated 4 out of 5 stars
02/17/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Beyond the Door III (Jeff Kwitny, 1989)
Beyond the Door III, also released under its original title Amok Train, has as much to do with the first two Beyond the Door movies as Zombie 5: Killing Birds has to do with Dawn of the Dead... in other words, not a damn thing. What it is, and what gives it the rather limited appeal it has, is an attempt by two Americans, LA director Jeff Kwitny (Lightning in a Bottle) and Sheila Goldberg (who, perhaps not coincidentally, co-wrote the script for Killing Birds with director Claudio Lattanzi), to make a supernatural giallo. The end result doesn't work too well, but you've got to admire the gumption, no?
Plot: a college professor and some of her charges head off into the wilds of Eastern Europe for their comparative religion class (note: I'm extrapolating there, it could just as easily be an archeology class. Or sociology. Or calculus, in a particularly weird school.), where they hook up with ultra-creepy Professor Andromolek (Walking Tall's Bo Svenson). Andromolek takes them even father from civilization, to a small village in the middle of nowhere where everyone bunks down for the night in preparation for some sort of ancient religious ritual the next day. Problem is, it's kind of like getting invited to dinner by cannibals; you never know if you're a guest or the main course. One of the students, Beverly Mr. Baseball's Mary Kohnert), is a virgin, and the village folks are planning on sacrificing her to conjure up the devil. Where does the train come into all this, you ask? Some of the escaping students stumble upon a track and hop the train, which is full of all sorts of weirdos who make the villagers look positively friendly in comparison...
While this is certainly not deathless cinema, it's hard to deny its influence on things that have popped up since; the 2008 torture-porn flick Train seems to be almost a direct descendant of the second half of this movie, for example. And while it's full of the usual silliness one expects from bad low-budget cinema (awful acting, murky camerawork, fubling direction, script full of plot holes, etc.), it's hard to deny the film is entertaining on some levels. Stupid, yes, but entertaining. If you're a fan of the Satanic-panic films of the eighties, this is going to be right up your alley, and were I you I would definitely check it out. The rest of you, maybe not so much unless you're familiar enough with movies like it to know what you're getting into. **
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
Full Review
Read all reviews
Post a rating
>
