Audience Member
Could've been good, but the execution was not it.
I was excited to see Christian Coulson in a more recent movie, specifically rom-com, so I decided to watch this without realising how much of a snooze-fest it actually was. The acting wasn't terrible, I'll give this movie that, with the chemistry of James (Christian Coulson) and Sarah (Naomi McDougall Jones) showing at times. Although such, this was genuinely one of the most cringey movies and I have not been more disappointed. Don't watch it unless you want to see an abundance of strange middle-aged "vampires" wearing costumes trying to be trendy and terrible "Twilight" references.
Rated 1.5/5 Stars •
Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars
06/25/24
Full Review
Jezendi D
I set a low bar for this B-tier movie and the viewing experience was frustrating at times because I really wanted to like this. I haven't heard the name Christian Coulson in a long while, which is disappointing because as a young actor he knocked it out of the park back in the day as a young Tom Riddle in the Harry Potter franchise. Here he is a mild-mannered IRS agent who one day happens to run in to a vampire played by Naomi McDougall Jones, and it turns out they have amazing chemistry. Now the atmosphere here in the film is dreary and awkward, with scenes and dialogue being very one-trick like and feeling phony. There is no atmosphere built for the vampires or any sort of explanation of how they properly fit in to the human/vampire dynamic and everything here feels lazy and dodgy as the whole movie could have survived quite as easily without them. The movie isn't self-indulgent but it relies on romantic rom com tropes to pull itself through and it's difficult not to continuously groan when it relies on these tropes to progress its story, as there is so little story here to barely pass this. Nothing in the narrative is properly fleshed out, and this would have been much more suited to a series, as the movie contains interesting ideas like vampires using social media and that effect it has on society and built up fear of the supernatural, but the director has instead chosen to thinly pierce the creative veil and not bother to explain anything properly to the audience, which suffer greatly at the unpreparedness of this bare-bones script. A film like this had the potential to become a cult stunner, but with no progression or meaty scene-stealing substance, the characters are basic, the script is appalling and there is literally no blood anywhere, which is a pity because this world with vampires truly sucked.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
01/02/24
Full Review
Audience Member
A ROM-COM WITH A BITE
Boy audits girl. Girl drinks blood. Boy and girl fall in love but have to get past their own insecurities to be together. Typical rom-com, right? Wrong. BITE ME is anything but your typical romantic comedy and that is why we need this movie so bad right now. Indie writer/producer/actress Naomi McDougall Jones' has created the next big movie you haven't heard about yet but you better see it. It's got vampires, Christian fanatics, and lots of heart.
BITE ME is a glimpse into a counter culture that doesn't want to be found. Sarah (McDougall Jones) is a real life vampire with a chip on her shoulder and a tattoo on her face. Ridiculed and closed off from society, she has formed a small circle of friends who also share her strange habit - drinking blood to restore their energy. They are real life vampires and they have just been audited by the IRS for tax evasion. James (played by Christian Coulson) is the straight-laced agent tasked with investigating her case. He's up for a big promotion and if he can deny Sarah's claim that vampirism is a real religion, he'll probably get it. But the unlikely pair have an inexplicable attraction to each other and thus, a romance is born.
BITE ME is the answer to the cookie-cutter rom-coms we've come to hate and it works best when it is at its most subversive. It's subject matter is dark, dealing with vampirism, Christian fanaticism, and scariest of all, the IRS. Yikes! But the tone never dwells in the shadows and always brings to light the absurdity of the story. The cliché moment where the two leads make eye contact with obvious undertones of "love at first sight," is immediately squashed and made fun of by them. These over the top characters are actually more like us than we would like to admit. They're flawed in unique and interesting ways. The leading man doesn't have the boring problem of droves of women fawning over him but he refuses to get pinned down. It's his mother who hounds him night and day. The leading lady isn't a klutz around the men she likes because that old character trait isn't funny, it's insulting. Sarah drinks blood to heal her incurable illness. Now that's original and fun and yeah, it's kind of weird, but it's fun! And yet with these strange quirks, it doesn't take long for you to see yourself in them.
Director Meredith Edwards has woven together two characters from the opposite ends of society's spectrum into a believable and heartfelt story. Eun-ah Lee's cinematography is lush as she takes us on a tour of New York City from the vibrant streets of Manhattan to the dull cubicles inside the IRS to a dark underground Vampire Ball and back to scenic Central Park. Eric Francis Olson's score drives the intimate mood of the film and is at times haunting. All of the elements move at a swift pace thanks to TJ Misny and Chris Steele-Nicholson's editing.
In a brief 83 minutes, Edwards and McDougall Jones cover the cliches of Hollywood rom-coms and ask us to reexamine what we're so used to accepting. Nothing is safe. Dates go wrong but it's not the slapstick fare we've grown accustomed to. It's awkward and difficult to get to know someone new, especially if you've got the hots for them. The movie doesn't go too far off the deep end with its criticism of cinema but instead focuses on telling its own story. The only in your face point made is the crystal clear comparison between Christian fanaticism and vampirism. There are occasional moments of rushed character development that seem unearned but the film keeps moving to its inevitable ending that I won't spoil for you here. What's obvious is the passion and care that Edwards put into her film to make a movie that pleases as well as challenges the audience to ask themselves, "Who am I to judge someone else?" At the same time she reveals the beauty of people who society has labelled unlovable.
The cast is packed full of recognizable character actors and some fresh blood. (See what I did there?) First and foremost, Coulson's performance as Christian is the anchor of the film. His charm and innocence is infectious and he is a genuine star in the making. You may remember him as Tom Riddle in HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, but you won't forget him after you see BITE ME. Other cast standouts include Sarah's roommates, Chrissy and Lily played by Naomi Grossman (AMERICAN HORROR STORY) and Mahira Kakkar respectively. Both have scene stealing moments - Grossman's are in your face and Kakkar's are subtle - but both will have you giggling. ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK's Annie Golden is hands down the funniest actress in the movie, playing Christian's fanatical IRS co-worker and roommate. Her comedic timing is exceptional and her scenes are my personal favorite. While most character actresses playing a Christian fanatic go off the rails, her reactions and motivations remain grounded in reality and receive bigger laughs because of it.
The other lead of BITE ME, McDougall Jones is not only a remarkably talented filmmaker in all respects (she writes, acts, produces, and so much more) she is also leading the charge for gender equality and representation in Hollywood. Her TED Talk (link here) went viral and for good reason. She's not only preaching an indisputable ethical argument but also a financially irrefutable one. Women make up more than half of society, they bring in billions of dollars at the box office, and they have so many stories to tell. Thanks to filmmakers like McDougall Jones, Effie Brown, and Zoe Lister-Jones just to name a few, boundaries are being pushed when it feels like Hollywood has given up on taking risks. Sick of big-budget male driven blockbusters? Got superhero fatigue? I don't but I absolutely want to hear stories from the other perspectives and there is more than enough money to go around. There is an entire spectrum of stories waiting to be told. Dear Hollywood, stop pretending like we don't want to hear new and diverse voices or that they aren't financially worth the risk. They are. Give us more!
The Joyful Vampire Tour is one of the most exciting new distribution ideas in years. While you can still buy and stream the movie on Amazon, iTunes, and Seed & Spark, the producers have gone outside the box to bring BITE ME to a movie theater near you. For 3 months, McDougall Jones and members of the production team will be driving an RV across the country to host screening of the film as well as parties and other tie-in events. The entire trip will be documented as a weekly series on YouTube.
It is a very exciting time to be an independent filmmaker. Technology has become so accessible that anyone with enough drive and passion can tell their story and share it with the world. There are still mountains to topple and gatekeepers to pass but with films like BITE ME and the filmmakers behind it, you can be assured that a revolution is underway. BITE ME isn't a perfect film but it is the perfect film for audiences that desperately need a refreshing and unique rom-com to cuddle up to.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
02/13/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Of all the evil, twisted, and sick characters Ms. McDougal-Jones could choose from, she chose - you guessed it - an IRS agent. Lol! This cute film plucked all the right heart strings to create a beautiful, tightly crafted love story. Bravo! Can't wait to see her next film!
Rated 4.5/5 Stars •
Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars
01/14/23
Full Review
ranny l
Bite Me is the most creative story about vampires I have seen. Like many teenagers, I am an ardent vampire folklore fan, romance-focused to be more specific. Twilight and Vampire Diaries among the most popular vampire series, and this film is a refreshing and enticing change in the vampire lore storytelling.
Bite Me is romantic comedy about an IRS agent, James (Christian Coulson) and a real-life vampire, Sarah (Naomi McDougall Jones). As Sarah gets a concerning message from the IRS about her church called Twilight she must explain to James about her lifestyle to throw out the case. As romance sparks between these two unlikely lovers, will Sarah have to choose between blood and James? And is James's love strong enough to handle her bite?
The idea of a real-life 21-century vampire is such an interesting concept. In the beginning of the film I was confused, though, by what they meant by the word "vampire"—with so many different variations of this fictional creature in storytelling, I had a hard time defining it. However, director Meredith Edwards cleverly defines this film's interpretation of vampires throughout the story. This is done through James' hilarious jokes and twists on the stereotypical vampire, which are then debunked by Sarah or another vampire. In terms of the film, the cinematography is excellent. The footage is extremely clear and has a depth that almost seems like an "IMAX effect." Naomi McDougall Jones is the best actress to play a modern-day vampire! Many people could relate to her story in the film— minus the blood. Her co-star Christian Coulson plays James as so cheesy and odd and does things like busts into breakdancing, which is my favorite scene. His character is a perfect example that even the most average "mundane" people can live fantastical lives. My favorite character is played by Annie Golden— she provides great comic relief throughout. Like a lot of romcoms, Bite Me is set in New York City which creates the perfect tone for every section of the movie.
The message of Bite Me is simply to love who you are and who you wish to become. Sarah and James are both looking for something more in their lives, but realize that it might just be each other. This movie contains some profanity, brief sexual content, and blood, which may be disturbing for younger audiences. The movie promotes some negative behavior that may be mimicked by younger children.
I give Bite Me 5 out of 5 stars, and I recommend it for ages 13 to 18, plus adults. By Ashleigh C., KIDS FIRST!
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
03/31/23
Full Review
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