Audience Member
There is so much to this movie, very little of it good. The acting is so difficult to watch. The plot is so obvious, yet nonsensical. It absolutely lacks flow. Much like the storyline, the characters and their motives aren't the slightest bit believable, and the dialogue is atrocious at best. The more it goes on the more it feels like everyone involved in this gave up.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/21/23
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Audience Member
Okay low budget horror film about a single father and his teen son and daughter moving into a new home. As you would expect in a horror film, strange things begin to happen in the house, with objecting going missing and strange noises being heard around the house, giving the sense that someone else if hiding in the house. Christina, the teen daughter in the family played well by Allison Lange, is the one who the mysterious happenings seem to center around. The aspect of the plot that I found most interesting is that the family moved into this house to be closer to the mother who was committed to an asylum and that once the mysterious events begin occurring, Christina wonders if she too is "crazy." However, that element of the film really doesn't get much focus, although that type of "Repulsion" psychological drama would have been fascinating to have built upon. The film takes an unexpected turn at the end, though I don't this it was necessarily a bad one, even if it kind of undoes most of what the film as earlier about. Overall, it's a bland thriller with nothing all that original or clever. John Savage plays the father.
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
01/31/23
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Audience Member
(***): [img]http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/user/icons/icon14.gif[/img]
So bad its good!
Rated 4/5 Stars •
Rated 4 out of 5 stars
01/18/23
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Audience Member
Christina's House is a VHS I found at a second hand store for 40 cents. The back stated that its plot twists were shocking. Having been burned by Shyamalan and enraged by other shitty teen movies, I figured that this was ripe for the riffing. And ooooohhhh my it was. Christina's House was delectably bad, with nonsensical story-telling, terrible acting, and... just plain weirdness. It's not terrible like Dick Tracy where it enrages you because it's terrible nature comes from how unfunny it is, but rather this film is fun for all from beginning to end because it's bad moments hit all the right notes.
The movie centers around Christina (big shocker) who's a whiny teenager with a dumbass younger brother, an horny asshole boyfriend, a creepy father, a ditzy best friend and a shy handyman. Weird things happen in Christina's house, such as loud noises, random visits from her boyfriend and the inability of anybody to approach her without grabbing her from behind. The movie's plot isn't exactly the strongest, with those so called plot twists being just random events that Christina puzzles over while her boyfriend and dad fight over her. The appearance of a dead body means that shit gets real... sort of. The killer is revealed an hour later, but it's really not a surprise and... well we stopped caring by that point. The movie really does just meander along, hiding so much from us that it doesn't end up showing us anything and instead just lets us chill with the red herrings. If anything does happen, it's because the characters acted even more stupid then they already are or the movie just said "fuck it" and screwed both continuity and logic. The killer's reveal at the end makes no goddamn sense, with none of the kills or strangeness being explained by it.
The killer (who I won't spoil out of courtesy) is brilliantly acted, not because it's good, but because it's sooooo weird. It makes no sense, but the killer's ramblings and inconsistent behavior are a ball to watch. The rest of the acting is, of course, shit, but also shitty to a degree that made me wonder why they didn't do another take. It makes me cringe to think those were the best. That being said, all of the performances stand out for being, again, so weird. The dad in particular is so borderline incestual, so much so that your brain is yelling "Bad Touch!!" whenever he starts to pet her. The boyfriend is a complete asshole and throughout the whole movie is fighting Christina on having sex. It makes you wonder why there a couple in the first place if they disagree on such a key issue and have nothing else in common. Sure the actors aren't good, but the director clearly didn't know what he was doing, as even the experienced actors can't get their shit together.
The movie takes itself way too seriously, trying to pass little noises as huge events and characters freaking out over little things and doing random shit as if it was... well logical. To be at least partially fair to the writing, there are some points where there are clear cuts to the movie, and if those scenes had been left in, maybe some of the nonsense could have been... slightly less nonsensical. Character interactions might have been a little clearer and plot holes might have been solved. That's not to say you won't be able to follow along, rather it just means you'll have a couple things to raise an eyebrow at. Christina's House suffers from the post-Scream syndrome, where horror movies stopped being horror and became thrillers, and this is a detriment to it. If it had more gore and a better designed slasher finale, then this movie could have become a cult favorite. Instead it relies on plot twists that make no sense and a mystery it gives no clues for and doesn't give a shit about until the finale.
Christina's House is nowhere close to a good movie; in fact some could call it a bad one. It comes down to the clearly amateur filmmaking, as I got the same vibe from this as I did Devour. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't watch it. If you're tired of watching Final Destination 5 for all your horror movie giggles, then give this a viewing. It's a film you should definitely watch with a few companions, because you will make jokes. Its just gonna happen. If you can find this movie then buy it, because it's b-movie badness at its best.
Rated 1.5/5 Stars •
Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars
01/26/23
Full Review
Audience Member
I caught this film in its final act and it did not take too long to figure out what I would have given Christina's House. CH is a poor exercise in s post-slash films and clone to Scream and the weaker I know what You Did Last Summer. Here is a film where cast is woefully inept in acting and interest. How inept are they? There are number of scenes where characters cannot even open the door! Other characters spew lines without any real emotion to compel the slightest viewer. Not even the killer is at all interesting or creepy. C-House needs to be foreclosed.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
01/27/23
Full Review
Audience Member
This movie was badly acted, horribly dialoged, sadly un-witty, predictibly plotted, with a stupid storyline, and absolutely NO scare factor. Did I leave anything out? Actually, I think not. Basically everything this movie tried so hard to do (and you can tell they were REALLY trying) just falls completely on it's face, that's not to say it's worthless though. If you are like me and enjoy every once in a while watching a horrible movie just to laugh at it and wonder how the heck it got made, you would be hard pressed to find a movie worse than "Christina's House". So enjoy the horror... bly done movie.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/15/23
Full Review
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