Mary Had a Little Lamb

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Jake S Well, Mary certainly did have a little lamb, but I don’t think its fleece was ever white as snow. Not this lamb anyway. Something trending lately has been taking innocent childhood themes and stories and making them into grotesque caricatures that have zero reason for existing. I could understand from a filmmaker’s point of view how this would seem fun to dive into if it were a short film. But this agonizing feature-length adaptation (if you can even call it that) of the titular nursery rhyme should be taught in film schools how not to approach certain concepts. A group of cold case true crime podcasters, about to lose their job, embark on a last-ditch effort to investigate a string of missing people with the hope of saving their careers. This leads them to little old Mary (the only believable performance given by a truly creepy Christine Anne Nyland) and her mysterious and reclusive son, whom she refers to simply as her “little lamb.” And that’s about it. The rest is just murder by a lamb-faced hulk of a butcher. Everything is run of the mill. The characters are drab and flat, the kills are cheatingly off-screen, and I could be wrong but I think we’re supposed to care for the lead actress. I certainly did not. The only aspect of this film I cared for was Vince Knight’s cinematography, which in any other movie could have made this a decent monster flick. Instead, it seems like Humpty Dumpty fell right off his wall and onto this film, making it one giant mess. If you want a lamb-themed horror, stick to Iceland’s 2021 film, “Lamb.” Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 11/02/24 Full Review John C Okay, I'm starting to believe that there's a factory someone in Britain which effectively has a 'production line' which churns out low budget horror films based on source material related to children fairy tales. I'm a fan of horror flicks in general and don't mind the odd low budget if the movie makes up for it with other qualities. And not I've seen a fair few on a well-known streaming service which all basically have the same cast, the same location and, as mentioned, very loosely based on a children's nursery rhyme. Now, if all those qualities don't unite them - they're all also pretty dire. However, this one was actually decent (and I use that word loosely!) enough to keep me entertained for the duration. But, don't get wrong - it's no masterpiece, even in terms of B-movies. If you didn't know what the film was called, you'd probably never guess it was based on a nursery rhyme. You'd probably just think it was called 'Poodle Maniac' or something, as the killer runs around with a giant mutated poodle's head on him. Or at least it looked like that particular breed of dog. Unless anyone can tell me what other animal it was supposed to be? A group of podcasters... do you care? Do you really need to know what the reason is that means yet another group of people are stranded in the middle of nowhere (this time in England) well out of the reach of mobile phone range, but just in reach of a mother/son nut-job combo. You won't care about the characters - two of which make up both halves of the most awkward and unlikely couple I've seen on screen in a long time. The others all just have weird accents like they're English trying to do an American accent, or vise versa. About the 'best' cast member is the screwy mother, Mary. She chews up the scenery like you've never seen. Not a great actress, but at least memorable among the cast - I'll say that. And the gore's not bad either. It's not amazing in as much as none of the kills are particularly inventive, but at least they look realistic (as realistic as when you've just been killed by someone dressed as a half human/half farm animal). In terms of horror B-movies I have definitely seen worse. Many I end up turning off within the opening twenty minutes. This one was bad, but it was watchable in a bad sort of way. Does that make sense? Rated 2/5 Stars •  Rated 2 out of 5 stars 07/27/24 Full Review Horror fan 4 A poor attempt of trying to make a tale into horror. It could've been good if done by the right person. Rated 1/5 Stars •  Rated 1 out of 5 stars 05/06/24 Full Review Chloe A It's so unoriginal and so bad it's just not worth your time... Watch any other horror movie just not this. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 03/25/24 Full Review Andre L A great B move depiction of the old nursery rhyme. This is definitely for those who enjoy a bloody gore filled good time. Clearly you're not watching for the grade A acting, but to see how the beast will get his next kill. Rated 5/5 Stars •  Rated 5 out of 5 stars 03/18/24 Full Review Jackson S Not bad I suppose. Another low budget take on a childhood character. I loved Carla as the main character, and how the ending was Texas Chainsaw style. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 10/27/23 Full Review Read all reviews

Mary Had a Little Lamb

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