Audience Member
As a former Knight Templar of St. Bernard's Priory... This movie was horrific. Many really good actors casted, but you couldn't tell in this movie. The acting was worse than "B" movies. The camera angles and cinematography felt like a high school video projext at best. I couldn't even finish it...
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/26/23
Full Review
Audience Member
I honestly thought this could have been a Tarantino film. If you're looking for Conan the Barbarian, this isn't your film, however, if you have a pulse and two brain cells, you enjoy something that is a bit cerebral, and includes the key elements of great cult style films - i.e: girls, star power, witty dialog and a little humor injected - this is a film you will enjoy.
Rated 4.5/5 Stars •
Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars
02/05/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Billy Drago in drag... its an image and a concept my brain is still to comprehend. Why did this happen? How? To what purpose does it serve and does it even matter? Perhaps it's just one of those things, a random occurrence in the cosmos sparked by dense imagination and/or slight comic perversion and displayed for our hesitant amusement.
Let's face it, our brains are only so big and we can only use so much of them... and while it is sadly a fact that I may never understand the grand concept of John Bly as a cross-dressing chef who before too-long has his/her life ended by a Knight Templar in a modern American manor, I strongly advise using yours to track down this awkward, bizarre, perhaps knowing or perhaps serious (I couldn't tell) small-budget oddity. Your inner critic may not thank you for it, but sometimes its better to tell that cat to scram while you groove with your inner 12 year old instead.
If you succeed in that, you'll have a lot of fun here.
The plot revolves around great medieval knight Lord Gregoire, who having been betrayed by his own adviser and warriors for an abundance of gold and riches, vows that after these traitors revel in 10 lifetimes of excess he will exact his bloody revenge. How this happens and the situations that arise from it are too confounding to detail here, especially concerning the true identity of the damsel our (anti)hero hooks up with at the film's end (this is simply brilliant) and what exactly the core group of characters have gathered for so this foretold 'night of the templar' can begin. Among these characters is an unfit deviant fittingly named Henry Flesh, played by none-other than The Walking Dead's Norman Reedus, who engages in a particular scene that he will one day be able to show to his kids with pride.
Other notable actors supporting this original material include the simply legendary Udo Kier (Flesh for Frankenstein, Blood for Dracula, Suspiria, Europa, Shadow of the Vampire) who, while spending a large portion of his screen-time walking and starring, pleasantly progresses into a vital role come the third-act and elevates the camp proceedings with his thick accent and undiminished persona, and equally legendary David Carradine (Death Race 2000, Kill Bill) who sadly passed away in 2009 after post-production. Given the subtle lunacy here its obvious that these great actors signed up not just to pay the bills, but because they could sense a journey that an open-minded viewer could truly revel in; featuring, as the tagline reads, passion, loyalty, deceit, betrayal...and revenge. They were right.
I sat watching this movie prepared to enjoy it, thanks to the promise of swordplay, violence and performances from two of my favorite cult actors; what I wasn't prepared for was the brazenly ridiculous script peppered with cues that certainly succeeded in making me chuckle when I wasn't wincing, and of course Billy Drago in drag... ... that one tangible element of creative abandonment.
That one element that should prove to you, ladies and gentlemen, that while this isn't perfect, it's a rickety barrel-load of fun that can be savored for all the wrong reasons, and will no doubt cause you to involuntarily smile when bored at work or frustrated at school in the following days. Sometimes we are simply not meant to know how things are, a side-effect of our limited minds, so instead of wondering exactly what would inspire someone to make this film, wonder instead how many times you can watch Sampson as the "events coordinator" intensely comforting a distressed, shy girl by kissing her on the forehead and bravely declaring that Henry Flesh will never touch her again.
And there's that involuntary smile.
3 random trophy-filled shelves out of 5
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Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
01/17/23
Full Review
Audience Member
This is definitely not your run of the mill indie film. I thought I was going into a medieval kingdom of heaven regurgitation but it was very far from that. It feels like the writer took medieval times, revenge, old English cult "Hammer Films" , a very European approach to film making, sex appeal, revenge, a scoop of Tarantino, Lynch, and tossed in a truck load of originality and fun and somehow pulled off a film that I've watched three times now and learn something different with each view. and feel like I'm watching a different movie. I would love to be able to classify it's genre but I can't. In the end it stands on it's own eight feet, because it has that many. Hopefully it gets the exposure it deserves.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
01/20/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Profoundly bad. Nice to see that producer/director/actor/stuntman/titler Sampson was able to include all his favorite songs by getting cover bands to record them. For fun, check out the astroturf reviews for this over at imdb.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
Full Review
sandra w
I do not think I saw the same movie that the other two reviewers saw. The acting was bad; any good actor was wasted. The story line was unclear and plodded along until it became painful. If this is ever on TV and there is nothing else to watch then turn off the TV and read a book. If I could have made fun of this movie that would have had some entertainment value, but it's not even worth that.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
03/31/23
Full Review
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