Audience Member
Self Storage (Tom DeNucci, 2013)
I was sitting on the couch today watching movies and writing my review of the execrable pile of dog dung that is Infected, and when I clicked on Tom DeNucci's name, I saw that he was involved in Self Storage, a movie I had just added to my Netflix queue a few days before. Thus it was that I found myself watching Self Storage a few hours ago. It is not by any means, as awful a film as Infected. Not a great film, by any means, but not a terrible one, either. Though take with as much salt as necessary, given that I'm a sucker for Michael Berryman.
Plot: Jake (DeNucci) is the night guard at a self-storage facility in the middle of nowhere. He's just been chewed out by his boss Walter (The Dark Knight's Eric Roberts) for slacking off on the job when he gets a call from his old pal Rip (Ben Gracia in his first screen appearance); Rip was on his way to a party, with five friends when the location fell through, and can they drop by that night and get plastered? Jake has resolved to straighten up and fly right until he overhears a conversation between Walt and Trevor (Below Zero's Michael Berryman); they are planning to close the facility and let Jake go the next day. Party on? Party on! I'd love to say more about this, but we'd be getting well into spoiler territory; let's just say the party does not go quite as planned.
DeNucci started out working with Glenn Ciano, and to be blunt, he hasn't quite washed the grime off yet; Self Storage is better than Inkubus and is playing in a whole different zip code than the godawful Infected, but it's still somewhat trite, and you'll see most of the twists coming long before they get there. Still, there are a few good acting turns here, and the movie is a bit more understated than the poster would have you believe; not something to go out of your way for, but with a little improvement in the writing and the development of his own directorial style, Tom DeNucci could potentially be going places, and you may well be able to say "I watched him when" in a few years. **
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
Full Review
Audience Member
One line summary: Half glorification of drugs and booze; half about involuntary organ harvesting.
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Walter and Trevor have quite a nasty but lucrative business going in blackmarket organs. They set up at self storage facilities, do some business, then move on. They often supply Jonah, who has connections and access to lots of money.
Jake overhears Walter tell Trevor that they are leaving, and will fire Jake. So Jake sets up a party at the facility. In the process, he ruins the product that Walter and Trevor were going to sell to Jonah. To make things even worse, Jonah is coming that same night with money and people to collect the organs and whatever else was involved.
When Walter and Trevor go to check the product, they find that Jake has more or less destroyed all the organs being carried by the kidnapped victims. So the obvious choice is to harvest the organs from the drugged out fools at Jake's party.
The idiots continue to party. Trevor starts knocking them out and bringing them in for harvesting. After everyone else is captured or dead, Jake, Freddie, and Sara-Marie counter-attack using weapons stolen from someone's storage locker.
Who will come out of this happy (or alive)? Jake and friends? Jonah's mob? Walter and Trevor? None of the above?
------Scores------
Cinematography: 5/10 Varies from sub-VHS quality to nice and clear. This is a bit jarring at times.
Sound: 3/10 OK, except that the actors speak now and then, and the incidental music is played.
Acting: 2/10 This is a vanity film for Tom DeNucci, who is not even convincing as a drugged out idiot. Veterans Eric Roberts and Michael Berryman certainly know how to act, but the weak star/director/writer did not get much out of them. Jonathan Silverman seemed to phone his performance in, but from a separate movie.
Screenplay: 2/10 The ideas were not too bad, but the execution was utter and complete nonsense. The ending was the worst, worse than all the rest of this wretched film put together.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
01/13/23
Full Review
Audience Member
so being in the self stoeage line of work I had to check this out for sheer curiousity. rurns out to be a waate of friggin time.
nad acting, bad directing, stereotype central and just an all around horrid soundtrack.
I sughest to just skip it. not scary, even the some what famous people in it act like they don't give a shit about their role and just continue for the money.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/09/23
Full Review
Audience Member
I'm not sure if Self Storage wanted to be horror film or a comedy, but it did neither genre effectively. Eric Roberts and Michael Berryman plus some moments of gore do little to save what is mostly just a bad, unfunny stoner comedy with some deaths thrown into the mix.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
01/27/23
Full Review
Audience Member
An Enjoyable Low-Budget Horror film I found on Netflix courtesy of an Up & Coming Film studio in the great State of Rhode Island \m/
Rated 3.5/5 Stars •
Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars
01/18/23
Full Review
Audience Member
While I'm thrilled every time I see Michael Berryman involved with a new horror project, I just wish they were better. Something fully fleshed out to remind us how terrifying he can be. Self Storage isn't that film. It wasn't horrible, but was rather confused. Couldn't decide if it was saw-type horror, teens vs homicidal maniac horror, or wry/ironic horror and as a result the whole thing was very uneven with characters making decisions that appeared opposed to their motivations.right down to the perplexing ending.
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
01/19/23
Full Review
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