markus m
A fairly hilarious piece of low-budget schlock, although one with a story that's perhaps a bit more complicated than it needs to be for a movie with a title like The Kung Fu Mummy.
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
03/31/23
Full Review
Audience Member
With a title like The Kung Fu Mummy you would expect to have some b movie fun. Well it completely fail on every level and rarely provided any laughs.
The Kung Fu Mummy simply has no salvageable plot, the closest I could gather to a story was a police officer looking for the mummy for an unexplained reason. The movie is self aware that it's bad and that's where most of the problem comes from. For starter the plot has no focus, literally in the first minute the line "Ever had your tits boxed" is utter in a pointless dream sequence. Than a minutes later our hero clock says 11:34 and then three seconds later it changes to 12:56. The lack of quality is no surprise to be honest, especially when you watch a mummy skate boarding across town, making friend with a blind homeless person, and somehow becoming a doctor. The same can be said about the Razzie worthy dialogue. Here's some from a chase scene in a sex factory.
Talent-less leading man: "I got a riddle for you"
Pointless villain: "Shoot!"
Talent-less leading man: "What did the cannibal do, after he dumped his girlfriend"
Pointless villain: "I, I give up"
Talent-less leading man: "Wiped his butt"
Film crew laughing off screen.
Plot wise, it's simply awful. Everything is atrocious, despicable, horrendous, and just downright painful to watch. The acting is clearly bad, but the actors really push your button when there completely obnoxious and you just want them to shut up. The sounds effect are funny for like thirty seconds and become annoying. Almost everything sounds like glass breaking from a guy hitting a grassy floor to people breaking a piece of wood. The film quality is terrible and looks more terrible than a high school movie production. Everything about the movie is terrible, it's pointless plot especially. I liked it how even though the mummy friend was blind, he still notice his bad hair cut. Plus the mummy is not even in costume most of the time and even fails to live up to the DVD title.
Now it did provides some laughs, though very rare. Once fight scene in particular was hilariously bad and over the top. So two characters you have don't care about since you didn't pay attention since the movie is a boring are about to fight. So when one of the guys gets knock down he takes out an oar from his pants. Then when the same guy is knocked down again, he takes out a wooden shaolin stick from his pants. Then when the same guy gets knocked down again, he takes out a hockey stick from his pants. Just when you think it can't get weirder, the same guy takes out a chair and gets a hockey stick ram though his butt and takes it out his mouth. Despite it having Kung Fu in the title, it's simply random punching and kicking.
The Kung Fu Mummy fails to be entertaining even at b movie level and doesn't have an audience who will enjoy it for it's complete absurdity. With a budget of $500 dollars, i'm not kidding, that was the actual budget. One should avoid this this mess, or do what I did and throw the DVD case into a wood chipper to make no one else waste their time on this.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
Full Review
Audience Member
After two whole years of waiting, I finally was about to watch this movie. Knowing that it of course wouldn't be good, I braced myself for an hour and a half of good "B"Movie fun. The problem was I didn't even get that. What I got instead was a soft-core porno which was so bad it became bad again. Please do not fall for the siren title, "Kung Fu Mummy" IS the worst movie of our generation.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/12/23
Full Review
Audience Member
FILM THREAT MAGAZINE
THE KUNG-FU MUMMY
by Steve Anderson(2006-12-17)
2006, Un-rated, 93 minutes
You know...I'm not sure Mark Twain ever actually said: "If you've got a nice corpse, fetch him out!", but the fact that Morgan and company actually started off their flick "The Kung Fu Mummy" with a bogus Twain quote is just proof of what exactly we're going to be dealing with here.
A mummy, stuffed with over two hundred million dollars in jewels and buried under a sheet of plywood and about three inches of dirt, has been brought back to life in the midst of modern-era Hollywood. And the chase for our drinkin', fightin', screwin' kung fu badass bandaged walking dead will go from Hollywood all the way to Las Vegas.
Okay, so we're shorter on logic than the Republican National Committee, as evidenced by the fact that Morgan and company have to resort to topless chicks within the first two minutes, a sure sign that we're not in for any kind of joy here. And as the next several minutes will clearly show, logic is going to be in real short supply for the Kung Fu Mummy experience. Watch as the bedside clock radio our main character wakes up to goes from 11:34 to 12:56 in the space of just three seconds. And there are plenty of other moments like this.
Which isn't to say this won't be a comic extravaganza--watching our liquored-up detective drain a bottle of Jack, use the empty to beat the hell out of his alarm clock, and then wander into the bathroom to get a beer out of his medicine cabinet which he opens with his teeth and uses to rinse his mouth is the exact sort of thing we'll be seeing all through the movie.
Yes, it's cheap. It's cheesy. It's got more filler than off-brand parmesan cheese. But you know what? It's funny. And in the end, isn't that what matters? Especially if you have the sense of humor of a fifteen year old boy, or can at least enjoy jokes geared toward a fifteen year old sense of humor.
All in all, if you've got a thing for scatological and / or sexual humor, breakaway furniture, and some guy's vacation videos, then you'll probably get everything you want out of "The Kung-Fu Mummy". As for the rest of us, well, you should get at least a couple good laughs out of it.
- FILM THREAT
Rated 3.5/5 Stars •
Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars
02/18/23
Full Review
Audience Member
One of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. Badly directed, filmed and the acting was really really bad. How dare they call this Kung Fu with the worst fight scenes I have ever seen. This is an underground film made on a very low budget. But I have seen better ones then this. How it made it to DVD, I have no idea. If only they could of got better people to act, it might of been at least ok.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
01/30/23
Full Review
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