Guru, the Mad Monk

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dave s When you watch Guru, the Mad Monk, it's hard to imagine a more inept piece of moviemaking. I suppose if someone made something with the same horrific production values as Guru and then added the annoyance of filming it upside down and out of focus it would be worse, but that seems unlikely. What's wrong with this piece of crap? Horrible acting, laughable dialogue, incomprehensible plot, a terrible score, baffling editing choices, murky lighting, non-existent continuity, periodically out of focus cinematography, and, to top it off, the inability to frame a shot properly. How hard is it to frame a shot that includes the subject's entire head? How did this thing ever get any funding? How did the cast and crew feel when they saw the final cut? The questions never stop. Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 03/30/23 Full Review Audience Member Father Guru is the chaplain of a prison colony and he's a seriously bad dude. Along with his mistress Olga ... who is also a vampire ... and his deformed hunchback assistant Igor, he uses his position to murder people and extort money. Carl, who works tending to the prisoners, comes to Guru for help when his girlfriend happens to end up in the prison. They fake her execution, and then Guru blackmails them, forcing them to stick around the prison. When the Archbishop shows up to have Guru replaced and transferred to another church, all hell breaks lose. I love Andy Milligan. His films are not good. In fact, they are really really bad, but they are bad in a fairly wonderful way. They are like a community theater Grand Guignol production ... way too talky and with lots of stilted theatrics, but utterly sincere and kind of endearing. So many bad films are just ridiculously dull. Milligan is not. Rated 2.5/5 Stars •  Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars 02/01/23 Full Review Audience Member Epicly bad to a level that must be admired. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 01/21/23 Full Review Audience Member A really, really low budget historical horror(ish) film with costumes that look like they're the very cheapest vaguely Medieval Halloween warehouse last minute on the way to a costume party purchases. The story is a basic, earnest, fannish attempt derived from Shakespeare and mid-20th century horror films. The performances are passable; the editing occasionally clunky; the constructed sets, cheap and flimsy. That Andy Milligan somehow got the use of big old stone church in New York City to shoot much of the movie in is a bit remarkable (and I'm rather curious about the story behind it). Neil Flanagan is quite enjoyable as the Mad Monk (who's really more mercenary than mad). The opening credits have a nice 40s feel to them. The score is quite competently professional. Rated 1.5/5 Stars •  Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars 01/12/23 Full Review Audience Member The plot is so-so, but interesting. It doesn't develop enough, but it works. Short running time, which makes this film a breeze to sit through. The setting is good, the characters are lacking, but overall, the movie is watchable. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 02/02/23 Full Review Audience Member I know what you're thinking to yourself. Why on Earth would this guy give this piece a crap such a high rating? Well when it comes to the craptastic I try to be fair and base my rating based on the enjoyment of it, rather than the quality. I know going in that Guru, The Mad Monk is a pile of junk, but is it so bad that it's good? I wouldn't say good, but definitely mediocre. The trailer actually features all of the biggest moments outside of the lengthy dialogue, but those are some great turd moments. A lot of this movie is pretty boring, and it takes a journey down a different avenue at every single cut. You never have a handle on things and you're constantly engaged because you want to see what they'll do next. Don't get me wrong though. There's tons of drone-inducing dialogue all throughout the movie. Everything from backstories, conversations and just plain old craziness talking into a mirror, it's all pretty bad and not all that laugh-inducing. It's actually the absurdity of a bunch of New Yorkers putting on what appears to be a play but it's actually a movie. The costumes, locations, acting - it's all bad. There's even a constant medieval dirge playing constantly in the background of every scene that feels more like a metronome lulling you to sleep, but it winds up being charming and fun anyways. If you can manage to sit through it without falling asleep and you appreciate the craptastic, then Guru, The Mad Monk is for you. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 01/26/23 Full Review Read all reviews

Guru, the Mad Monk

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