Audience Member
I'm giving it 2 stars because it was so god awful it made me laugh.
Rated 1.5/5 Stars •
Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
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Audience Member
My uncle Jim Holcomb made this movie. I have yet to see it but I can't imagine it being anything less than amazing. Probably an Oscar-worthy classic. ;)
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
02/04/23
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Audience Member
Saw this a couple years ago after a roommate of mine, who also had a Netflix account, decided to rent this due to the fact it has vampires and midgets. It's beyond awful. It looks like it was made for $400 by a bunch of friends. Its not even so bad its funny. Although are a couple funny scenes and that's why it gets a 1 and not a 0.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/26/23
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Audience Member
This movie is so terribly awful, so despicably horrible... thats it actually has crossed the line of bad movies and become a must see for all "b" movie lovers.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Nobody else has reviewed this on here, so I guess I should. Long story short: it's pathetic. There's low budget films, and then there's this; a no-budget amateur film that would look bad on the resume of people who videotape weddings. The only audio, aside from the occasional horrible bit of generic techno action music, comes from the microphone built into the camcorder they used to film this, meaning the film goes from whisper-quiet, to full-volume garbled insanity depending on how close the actors are to the camera. The acting is... well there isn't any, there's people reading lines. You'll find more depth and emotion in the performances of grade school plays. The special effects consist of a few cap guns and some quicky photoshop work... I could go on and on, but let's continue.
To sum up the plot, you've got a vampire hunter who's half-vampire himself, pretty much trying to imitate Wesley Snipes' performance as Blade. With the help of a long haired old cowboy (again, like in the movie Blade), and a biker midget, he rides around on a motorcycle (again, Blade), and hunts vampires (Blade), and saves a woman and explains to her about the secret world of vampires (for fuck's sake, just watch Blade and imagine half the cast are midgets, and you have this movie). The catch to this movie: all "tall vampires" are gone, leaving only midget vampires, who for some reason can only turn other midgets into vampires. In order to create more tall vampires, they require a magic sword containing the blood of the last tall vampire.
As with all vampire movies, we get a nice exposition scene where we're explained what "rules" the movie is using, and in this case, they got pretty original. And that isn't a good thing. For starters, ALL the classic weaknesses are gone; crosses and holy water don't work, silver doesn't work, stakes through the heart don't work, garlic doesn't work.... sunlight has no effect on them (which is good because 90% of the movie is in broad daylight, and the few night-time scenes are so dark they are unwatchable). Not even the more esoteric vampire weaknesses such as wolfsbane, iron chains, making them count things, or running water work in this movie. In this movie, only one thing can kill a vampire... are you ready for it? Their one weakness is getting injected with VAMPIRE BLOOD. Yes, vampire blood. The stuff they are already full of. The stuff the movie tells us is required to even make someone a vampire. You can inject a vampire with a sample of its own damn blood and it will die according to this movie. And it gets even better! Throughout the movie the half-vampire hero uses his own blood to poison and kill other vampires, but in the finale he gets injected with some of it himself... and becomes super-strong. Getting his own blood injected back into him gave him superpowers. Don't even try to think about that for more than a few seconds, it doesn't make sense and the effort to try and make it make sense will only give you a headache.
With all of that in mind, you'd think this movie would be so-bad-it's-good, but really it isn't. It has a ridiculously cute concept, and some stuff so stupid it should make you laugh, but the complete lack of quality kills that opportunity. If this were made by a couple highschool students for shits and giggles, I'd applaud them, but this is a movie made by grown men, and actually given a DVD release. They made this with the intent of people seeing this, innocent people like you and me. I don't expect much from a vampire movie, lord knows just how many horrible vampire movies there are, but even the worst one you've ever seen doesn't reach the epic levels of fail that Ankle Biters achieves. The plot is paper thin and riddled with holes. It makes no sense, and is shot so poorly that its almost impossible to follow. Huge chunks are blatantly stolen from other, comparatively better movies. The "gore' you probably expect from a modern horror film amounts to a couple bottles of red food coloring. There's some legitimate attempts at humor, but they are flat and pitiful. This is perhaps the worst indie horror movie ever made... except for Automaton Transfusion. At least Ankle Biters TRIES to have a plot with a beginning, middle, and end, instead of just ending mid-scene with not a damn thing resolved or remotely explained. But this movie doesn't even deserve that morsel of defense. If you see this movie sitting on a store shelf, just walk away. Go read a book, or talk to a friend, or smash your head through a brick wall. Swim with sharks, or poke a rattlesnake with a stick. Do absolutely ANYTHING but see this movie. Please, for your own sake, don't watch it.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/17/23
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