Russ S
Funny, romantic, interesting, everything you want in a romantic comedy.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
05/28/19
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Audience Member
Bite Me is yet another Brett Piper (Drainiac, Screaming Dead, etc) outing that incorporates a bevy of stop-motion monster effects and boobies. The story focuses on a crate of bio-engineered marijuana that makes its way into the hands of a sleazy strip-club owner (the late Michael R. Thomas) whose club is on the verge of going under and being acquired by competition Julian Wells (who begins the first half of the movie looking for off-putting with her attire and Jersey accent, but makes up for it in the second half when she unleashes that banging body of hers in a sex-crazed frenzy). Anyways, the strippers work endlessly and are made up of nice girls Misty Mundae and Erika Smith, along with stoner Caitlin Ross, and bartender Sylvianne Chebance, who all become under attack by enlarged, vicious stop-motion spiders that come out of the marijuana crates. With the help of a dim-witted exterminator (Piper movie regular Rob Monkiewicz), the gang makes an attempt to take on the nasty bugs, as well as a renegade, lunatic DEA agent, and eventually, giant bug/DEA agent hybrid bugs in this rather nutty film. This movie clearly doesn't take itself seriously and just wants to have fun, and this is CLEARLY what the viewer should be doing as well. A fun mix of silliness and fun 80's style effects that only Brett Piper can deliver, whom I've always been entertained by. Good flick.
Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
01/21/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Trashy Theater Time: D-grade no-budget horror-comedy with nudie-film star Misty Mundae as stripper-turned-commando Crystal. Sound fun? You betcha! A jokey script helps turn a routine mutant-bugs-on-the-loose scenario into a silly romp with a host of goofy characters: Ralph the super-slimy club owner, strippers Trix the nearsighted & unfazably doped-up Amber, Buzz the humane exterminator, a crazy ("Don't call me crazy!!") rogue DEA agent, and Teresa the shady businesswoman with a hammy Noo Yawk accent. Mundae & Julian Wells are perfectly aware of what kinds of dumb movies these are, and their willingness to play along like they're in on the joke makes all the difference between a waste of time and a fun waste of time.
Rated 3.5/5 Stars •
Rated 3.5 out of 5 stars
02/23/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Pretty embarrassingly bad movie for whoever was involved. I'm sure their parents are proud.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
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Audience Member
i want to do a simple review for this one so what do i say? its sooo fucking stupid its awsome i love misty mundae!!!!!!
Rated 4.5/5 Stars •
Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars
02/17/23
Full Review
Audience Member
A failing strip club is invaded by monstrous spiders whose venom either bring out repressed sides of a victim's personality or turns them into hideous mutants.
"Bite Me" is a goofy film that spoofs the monster movies from the 1950s and the softcore porn films that many of the featured actresses have been featured in. It's not a bad little movie, but it could have been much, much better based on what's here.
The problem is not with the actors. They're all pretty good, with Caitlin Ross (playing a doped-up stripper who manages to save the day while basically sleepwalking through the mayhem of monster spiders and crazy gunmen), Michael R. Thomas (as the brash club owner), and Misty Mundae (as a mild-mannered stripper who becomes Rambette after being bit by one of the spiders) being especially funny in their parts.
The technical aspect of this low-budget production is also very good, with decent camera work and lighting, nifty stop-motion animated monsters, and well-executed green-screen and CGI elements. The film actually looks better in many respects than movies with budgets that were probably ten times what it cost to make "Bite Me!" ("Lost Voyage" springs to mind immediately.)
What drags this movie down from, based on the concepts, the acting, and the technical execution, could have been at least a 7 rating to a low 5 is the script. The script is unfocused, flabby, and at times redundant. While there are some very funny bits in the beginning of the film but they are surrounded by material that sets up a subplot that never really pays off. The same is true with subplot about organized crime elements who are trying to take over the stripclub. An interesting character in the club's bartender is not given the development she should get, and the same is true to the club's owner. If the script had been taken through another couple of drafts, I'm certain writer/director Brett Piper would have noticed these flaws, saved the government conspiracy stuff for another movie and focused more on the stripclub and its denizens. That's where the heart of the movie is, and it's a shame that the time isn't there to develope it properly.
Still, "Bite Me!" is a fun little movie. It's worth seeing it you like cheesy monster films or if you're a fan of Misty Mundae or any of the other actresses appearing in it; they actually get to [i]act/i] in it, and they're good! (They mostly keep their clothes on, though, so if you're looking for the usual lesbian nookie, this is not the film for you.)
Bite Me
Starring: Misty Mundae, Michael R. Thomas, Sylvianne Chebance, Julian Wells, Caitlin Ross, Rob Monkiewicz, Erika Smith, and John Paul Fedele
Director: Brett Piper
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
01/18/23
Full Review
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