Barbarian

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Audience Member O boy, where to start with this one? I know, at the sex scenes! There's one about every 20 minutes. They seem to be directed by people who typically write video game sex scenes, and even for them this effort would count as having an off-day. The rape orgy about halfway in is particularly jarring. On top of that about every 5 minutes a woman moans like she's in a sex scene. If the camera angles had been a little bit less awkward, this movie would have been its own porn parody. Outside of that, the movie is just plain stupid. The lead actor fakes being a great invincible warrior by taking a cool move and performing it several times in a row, because an actual fight choreography would be too much to ask. The ending is both cliched and nonsensical, and why does this guy have a fucking ewok (with a surprising amount of knowledge on the subject of human medicine) as a sidekick? Now, granted, this movie does not commit the worst sin a film can commit: it does not get boring. There is some pacing, and there is always happening something onscreen, even if it's often something you really had no desire to see. Therefor I can't rate it zero stars. But i can make it one half, and o boy does it deserve it. (Edit: apparently I can't give it half a star, it somehow doesn't show up. Stupid *murmle murmle*...) Apparently, this is a semi-remake of a better received movie called Deathstalker. But if that movie can be remade into this one it's obviously at least so bad I have to go and avoid seeing it some time. Even within a Conan style swords and sorcery setting, this is just too much. And the final thing I don't get about this thing is how BBI could ever think this needed to be in a 3pack together with Escape from Afghanistan, a sober movie in the style of an eyewitness documentary about betrayal and the horrors of war. Yeah, I can totally see how those are aimed towards the same core audience. But hey, if you are that stereotypical 13 year old game developers keep writing their sex scenes for, this might be a movie for you! Rated 0.5/5 Stars •  Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars 01/17/23 Full Review Audience Member 2 stars for munkars epic super evil sorcerer like blown out cape collar!!! Rated 2.5/5 Stars •  Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars 02/24/23 Full Review Audience Member This probably should have been called Deathstalker V, as it looks and feels much like a Deathstalker film, and even lifts footage from the first Deathstalker for its flashbacks. Bad script, silly story, a kid in an Ewok suit, an parade of half undressed Russian women, and some seriously cheesy swordplay make for a great deal of fun viewing. It's dreadful drek, but enjoyably bad. Shocking that it was made recently, as it looks like it was filmed in the 80s. Rated 3/5 Stars •  Rated 3 out of 5 stars 02/26/23 Full Review Read all reviews

Barbarian

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