PENN K
The movie was awesome. There was lots of destruction with killing . I enjoyed this movie.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
08/28/24
Full Review
Audience Member
I saw this movie back in 84 or 85 at a midnight showing. Wrote this review in 2021 and to this day this remains the worst movie I have ever seen.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/25/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Talk, talk, talk, with nary a zombie in sight.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/27/23
Full Review
Audience Member
CULT MOVIE MONTH
REVIEWS #:019,020 &021
TROMA TRIPLE B-HEADER: ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE [1984], BLOOD HOOK [1986] & BLADES [1989]: Today in this month long cult movie extravaganza I'm going to tackle a right monster. That's right a monster DVD Collection of triple 'terror' in the form of Troma's 2004 DVD TROMA TRIPLE B-HEADER , a small traumatic (pun intended) triple bill of three of Troma Studios lesser known & obscure films that either the studio obtained the rights to or made and produced. In this 1980's B-grade schlocky horror triple bill, some of the cheesiest films from the same studio that gave you such wonder as THE TOXIC AVENGER oozes out on the T.V screen in a tacky but enjoyable way. So let's just dim the lights & dive right in to three "great Horror Films" with ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE [1984] a film despite its title has no Zombies in it, BLOOD HOOK [1986] about a killer fisherman from the producer and one stars of the cult T.V Show MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 (MST3K) & finally BLADES [1989] a god awful near JAWS rip-off with the monster being not a killer shark but a Killer Lawn-Mower!
The first Feature in this 1980's schlock feast is the 1984 Zombie-Free film called ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE, that's right it's called ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE and it's got no Zombies....................already I'm disappointed with this Troma DVD..........................
REVIEW #:019
ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE [1984]: without giving too much away even though this film is called ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE that has no-zombies, minimal gore, a small splash of female nudity, a small bit of atmosphere and of course NO ZOMBIES! Already stirs up a sense of dissatisfaction with this film. Despite the obvious problem with the title this low-budget 1980's schlock fest is alright.
THE PLOT: On Some small Island in the Caribbean, a group of American Tourists and their Tour Guide & Driver get more than they bargain for after seeing a faux Voodoo ceremony. Slowly one by one various members like a sex-addicted Husband, a hippy couple (who have to get high at the worst possible time), an elderly couple (stink one) and a pair of honeymooners all fall to terrible deaths via an unknown menace (and no it isn't Zombies) while the survivors fight-off the menace in a large house.
Overall Thoughts: The cast deliver what can be best described as either wooden and or decent performances. In fact with a story that had a bit of promise is dragged down by the acting, direction, and cinema-photography makes this a weak film when the end rolls around. Despite that the film's title could have easily been called ISLAND MASSACRE and the films actual title would have been a prefect alternative title for either Lucio Fulci's ZOMBIE [1979] or ZOMBIE HOLOCAUST/ DOCTOR BUTCHER M.D [1980] which had Zombies, were set on an Island & were total massacres. My rating for this film is a simple 40% and by the way did I mention that THERE ARE NO ZOMBIES IN THIS FILM!!???!!
The next feature on the disc is by far the most shocking film on the disc not for its content but for who was involved with the production of the film. BLOOD HOOK was directed by the future producer of the Cult T.V Series MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 (MST3K) which lampooned and made fun of the worst movies imaginable (ala "MANOS" THE HANDS OF FATE), Jim /James Mallon & one of the voices of one of the sarcastic robots, Kevin Murphy.
REVIEW #:020
BLOOD HOOK [1986]: it's hard to believe that a few years prior to the start of MST3K that the voice actor of the robot Tom Servo, Kevin Murphy & the series producer Jim Mallon were in fact involved with the production of a terrible low budget slasher film. BLOOD HOOK is about a killer fisherman that kills people by killing them with a line and reel. Oh the irony of it all! BLOOD HOOK blends together elements of a slasher film with elements of a murder mystery in one weak 1980's package.
THE PLOT: In some small U.S lakeside town during the towns annual "Muskie Madness Fishing Tournament" a group of 80's teenagers/collage students (chough! Cliché! Chough) take a vacation during the tournament. Also a family of campers appear on the lake as well and before too long weird locals start acting suspiciously when a killer starts killing people one by one with a massive hook and fishing line.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: The acting in this film ranges from dull to just average; even the more eccentric characters come across as over the top by the performers. It's remarkable that the director of this film, Jim Mallon only a few years later would be a producer and one of the writers of MST3K which with the amount of faults in this film would have made prefect comedic bad-movie fodder for the show. With the score being by Kevin Murphy as I've mention one of the performers on the show who's character Servo the Robot would occasionally make fun of a bad movies score, in fact made a slightly cheesy score for such a ridiculous film. ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE was bad but this is a step down from that film, quite literary this movie is a hook-line & stinker .now what is my rating for this obscure oddity it's going to be a solid 30% from me.
And finally for the last feature, a movie that makes the Zombie -free ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE and murderous Fisherman in BLOOD HOOK combined seems much scarier than what is the source of the next features terror. A killer Lawn-mover, that's right a killer lawn mower is the so-called source of horror for the next film titled BLADES from 1989. This traumatic cult oddity is mind bogglingly stupid!
REVIEW #:021
BLADES [1989]: good lord how much fucken crack do you need to be on to dream up something as stupid as a movie about a KILLER LAWN-MOWER? Fuck the killer fisherman in BLOOD HOOK sounds less silly in comparison to this film. Seriously this is an actual film as real as THE KILLER SHREWS, THE RATS ARE COMING! THE WEREWOLVES ARE HERE! , SANTA & THE ICE CREAM BUNNY and from Troma Studios SURF NAZIS MUST DIE! So were to being with this runaway nightmare?
PLOT: On some Rich- White & Upper class golf course in the U.S an ex- Golf pro and his female assistant are shocked when the courses owner refuses to cancel a professional golf tournament when a mysterious killer roams the grounds. It turns out to be a killer lawn mower so it's up to the Golf pro, his female assistant & some strange gardener to kill the mover.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: Everything in this movie is just bad, the acting is duller than a wet week expect for the actor portraying the grander character. The script is a part rip-off of the storyline to JAWS, with a killer lawn-mover thrown into the mix. And above all this movie just plain sucks after 5 minutes when the hopefully comedic aspect to the idea dies when the movie tries SO hard to be taken WAY too seriously. My rating for this absurd piece of cinema is a solid 20%.
FINAL THOUGHTS & TOMATO-METER RATING: If you just happen to come across a DVD copy of the TROMA TRIPLE B-HEADER in your local video store, as I happened to do my advice is don't bother renting it. All three of these films are as guilty as each other of being Bad Movies, its just way too bad one happened to be made by two of the future members of MST3K. The best feature on the disc by a long shot is ZOMBIE ISLAND MASSACRE and the worst film oh without a single doubt the ridiculous BLADES. For the overall Tomato- Meter rating is based upon the average score by adding 40% + 30% + 20%= 90% divided by 3 =30, which becomes my overall average rating for all three films which is 30%.
Rated 1.5/5 Stars •
Rated 1.5 out of 5 stars
02/22/23
Full Review
Audience Member
When I watch a Troma film, I expect it to be crappy on almost every level from the acting to the cinematography to the plot and effects. But Zombie Island Massacre fails on a level that other Troma films do not--it is completely boring from beginning to end. The film starts off promising with a voodoo zombie ritual reminiscent of I Walked with a Zombie, The Serpent and the Rainbow, etc. But it never develops into anything remotely enjoyable. In fact, the only enjoyable moment of this film is when it's over.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/27/23
Full Review
Audience Member
What the hell was this movie. Around the middle, I had to go online to realize that there were no zombies in this movie. Only some guys dressed up like the San Francisco Fisherman's Wharf Bushman. Or a hunter with twigs tied to him. After I found out there were no zombies, I decided to end my suffering and skip to the end, which didn't make much sense, so I had to skip back a little more. Then it still didn't make any sense, so I gave up. There just a lot of senseless boob shots and point of view stalking without any menace. This is a no star movie if it was possible.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/24/23
Full Review
Read all reviews
>
