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Shark month continues with 2-Headed Shark Attack. It checks off all of the boxes: sharks check…bad acting check…bad CGI check. This is a recipe for some cheesy goodness. Critics and some viewers didn't like this movie, but I had fun with it.
(https://foreverfinalgirl.com/2-headed-shark-attack/)
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
07/14/22
Full Review
Audience Member
When I see a movie about a shark, I'm there. When I see a movie about a two-headed shark, I am there with bells and whistles. I knew nothing about this cinematic tour de force before I loaded it up on my streaming platform, but I was soon to learn so much.
The movie opens with white kids recklessly enjoying water sports while an awful stock nu-metal song plays in the background. Safe to say, at this point, I am hooked.
We are soon to meet the star of this vehicle, one Brooke Hogan. Brooke is the daughter of mega movie star Hulk Hogan (you may know him as Terry Bollea), the star of blockbusters such as Santa with Muscles, Mr. Nanny, and a racist tirade filmed without his knowledge. A little-known fact is that Hulk Hogan was also a professional wrestler. My initial thought was with Brooke being in a movie about sharks, this was going to be an allegory that parallelled her father's feud in WCW with John Tenta as The Shark. Much to my chagrin, this was not the case.
Next we meet a shitty version of Jerry O'Connell. I know what you're thinking, isn't Jerry O'Connell the shitty version of Jerry O'Connell? I had the same thought until I saw this travesty on screen. Turns out this actually is Jerry O'Connell's brother, Charlie.
Finally, we meet the third of our top billing, Carmen Electra. For a large majority of the movie I was perplexed by her character. In the midst of death, fear, and uncertainty, as the other characters perused an abandoned atoll, we were randomly treated to Carmen laying out in a bikini on the boat. Later, we find out what was the most logical conclusion... she's a doctor.
So there is a lot to unpack here. The narrative is that shitty O'Connell is a professor of some sort and this a class he is teaching. While out on an expedition, the boat is damaged. The determination is made that the boat will need to be repaired by welding and that they could really use some scrap metal. Luckily, although in the mdidle of nowhere, the group spots an atoll. In an effort to find scrap metal, the group ventures to the atoll because as everyone knows when looking for scrap metal, there's no more logical of a place than an atoll in the middle of the ocean.
As the students search the atoll, one male student ventures off with a couple of female students to, you guessed it, fornicate. While standing in approximately 3 1/2 feet of water, the young women begin making out with each other and then ultimately with the male, only to have their tryst ruined by the two-headed shark. Think Wild Things meets Jaws meets bad community theater. The real shame here is not that the characters were killed (believe me, you will like none of these characters), but that the shark, which appears to be 18 to 25 feet long and 800 to 1000 pounds is able to navigate such shallow waters. Later in the movie some of the characters escape the shark by reaching shallow waters and muttering "we're safe in the shallow water." Either they're severely underestimating this two-headed s.o.b. or the plot is lacking consistency.
Of course, calamaties start to mount. The boat captain is killed, the fornicators are long gone and now due to a tremor on the atoll, McConnell has apparently broken his leg? I'm still not sure. It appears at first that the bone has broken through the skin, but near the end of the movie, he is running on it with little encumbrance. That's some real dead pool shit right there.
OConnell is ushered back to the boat, seemingly to be with Electra because she is a doctor... which I still don't know at this point. Later, Ms. Hogan and her classmates locate two speedboats abandoned on the atoll along with a gas can. Ms. Hogan fancies herself an amateur prop master and offers to "tune up" the water craft. Later we also learn that Ms. Hogan fancies herself a welder. In fact, the only thing she couldn't do in this film was act.
As the speedboats are now running and being crazy college students, a boatrace breaks out... of course. While O'Connell and Dr. Bikini scream at them to get out of the water (keep in mind the speedboats aren't that far from the primary boat, yet the boatrace last an inordinate amount of time), the students do not realize the two headed shark is gaining on them and about to devour some of them as a midday snack.
Now, with everyone back on the atoll, Ms Hogan says she can use her welding skills to fix the boat. She and Cole, the protypical collegiate douchebag in these types of movies, set out to do just that. Ms. Hogan, true to her word, welds the vessel back together and wouldn't you know it, ol' Cole starts it up and leaves her behind. Jokes on him though, the two headed shark comes after him and destroys the boat. As Cole sits in the life raft, we see him get his comeuppens as the shark uses his tendons as dental floss.
Finally we reach the nearing climax, as the atoll, being ruthlessly hammered by the shark, starts to disentigrate and sink. We finally see O'Connell and Electra standing on the shore, watching the impending waves and shark attack, they embrace and kiss. You may be saying to yourself that it makes sense now why Carmen was onboard, but this is the first hint of any type of romantic relationship between the two in the whole movie.
The movie crescendos with the shark reaking havoc and taking out more of the co-eds. And in another poorly placed nod to Jaws (III spefically), one of the heads is taken out by one of the co-eds sacrificing herself to the double headed behometh in order to ignite gasoline while in its mouth.
At this point, my mind is a bit of a blur and I can't even recall how they finally took the shark out, but I am sure it was fantastic. I do remember that one the second head was gone, the new shark looked as if it never had a second head... strange. The movie ends with Ms. Hogan leg dropping a beached whale, or least that's how I imagine it... brother.
It's awful, but a must watch.
Rated 4/5 Stars •
Rated 4 out of 5 stars
02/01/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Simple but I wasn’t bored
Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
12/24/20
Full Review
Audience Member
Why? Why I do that to myself? Just... WHY?
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
01/18/23
Full Review
no name dude
Pretty good but cheesy
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
12/14/19
Full Review
Audience Member
Two heads are most certainly not better than one.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/10/23
Full Review
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