Audience Member
Not Profound, but Moving
The discussion this film is having will continue to be heated for some time, I suspect. Of course, the film is trying to sidestep the controversy; it's just talking about relationships. There are a few small mentions of marriage, but more of them are about the weddings straight people had--or people trying to pretend to be straight. Mostly, we talk about the kind of thing that everyone shares. People talk about meeting their loved ones, realizing who they are and what they want from life, dealing with family, and so forth. The filmmaker was quite firm on the subject that the movie wasn't about gay marriage or straight marriage, just marriage. These are just people. Yes, the film is full of stories about gay couples and gay life, but they are interspersed with stories about straight couples and straight life. And, okay, some of the straight couples have led less than conventional lives, but I think we as a society are coming to terms with less than conventional lives. Heck, my Catholic mother is understanding of, if not happy about, the fact that Graham and I are living together and not married. It probably helps that I have a really, really good reason for each half of that.
The theory, I think, is that knowing these stories and putting them in the context of Just People will help convince society as a whole that it's Okay to Be Gay. And, indeed, some of these stories are striking. There are all kinds of stories, from the woman who planned to marry her husband in a simple ceremony but got talked by her mother into the whole thing to the pair of Mormon women who loved each other desperately and knew it but couldn't bear to go against their church until they couldn't bear to be apart anymore to the man who got married because he thought he was supposed to--and his now-ex-wife. Yes, these are mostly stories of happy relationships. The one unhappy relationship was already dissolved by the start of the film, though both people from it are able to talk now as friends. Then again, we like seeing happy people, and happy relationships are more likely to make the point. Not only that, but there are single people as well.
I do not, I admit, remember much of anyone's names, but there is an older man who tells stories about his fifty-year relationship with another man. At the end of the film, he talks about his lover's death, and it's quite obviously more than just whatever shallow emotion some people think it must be. This is a man who, even years later, is still grieving quite deeply. Because, you know, fifty years. This has hurt him, and it continues to hurt; he even starts breaking down again as he tells us about those last few moments of his lover's life. And then, in great pain, he tells of dealing with the government of his lover's funeral. His lover had been in the Army Air Force during World War II, and it's obvious that this man is proud of his lover's having served his country. Only because the man was not his lover's "family," he was not entitled to the flag covering his lover's casket. There is hurt there, and that hurt will not go away for this man. No one will ever be able to make that better for him.
I suspect that, in general, if you're not convinced by these stories that these people have relationships worth celebrating, it's because you won't be convinced for whatever reason. Realistically, if you took pronouns and gender details out of most of these stories, you wouldn't be able to tell which were stories of being gay and which were stories of being straight. There are obvious exceptions--those two women who gave up their happiness for what they thought they should be doing, for example--but the conflicts of the two young women choosing their wedding dresses are not unlike the difficulty the older woman had with her mother's making decisions for her about her wedding. I'm sure I overuse this quote, but I must go back to Pete from [i]The Muppets Take Manhattan[/i]: "Peoples is peoples." Does it matter that one young couple is two women, one two men, and one a man and a woman? However, it is not exactly unknown that there are people who do think it matters. Quite a lot. They will talk a great deal about why it matters, and I don't think being quiet and just listening for a minute will change things for them.
And that's all this movie really is. It is encouraging us to be quiet and just listen for a minute. If you're looking for great insights, don't look here. The thing is, the small insights involved here seem to be ones which some people still haven't had. Not even just about the gay couples, either. The filmmaker, in the making-of, says that we don't talk much about love, and it's true. Even though we may think our culture is submerged in love, and "romantic" movies swarm the box office, none of them are really about the long-term of relationships, and when they are, they're almost always about relationships that are falling apart. Most of these people are in steady, stable relationships; some of those relationships have lasted decades. The oldest of the men, the man who tells the story of his dead lover, says that he thinks people give up on relationships too easy these days, that all relationships have ups and downs that you have to weather, and I think that's a message that people need as much as the one that it's Okay to Be Gay.
Rated 3/5 Stars •
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
02/12/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Drew Emery has composed only one film, and it is quite a promising one, a thoroughly undeniable, bighearted and stimulating assessment of contemporary love and devotion. Emery's Grand Jury Prize-winning collective narrative hosts a plethora of couples at differing phases in their relationships. Some are gay. Some are straight. Some are married. Some are not. Some are together even now, others have moved on. All have captivating, intricate and reflective comments and stories about those with who they fell in love, why they fell in love and what their relationships have signified to them as they have carried on through life.
Emery arranges the film so that we presume who is gay and who is with who, and does not blindside us with the results of our expectations but rather blindsides us with who we prejudged correctly and who we prejudged wide of the mark. It is the essential visual persuasive essay for those who have reservations about homosexuality and gay marriage. By the end, no matter how you feel about gays, even if you are like me and have a best friend who is gay, you will have questioned and doubted your preconceptions and your assessments of people and how easily one can write off someone entirely contrary to who they are and how the feel. And by the end, one comes to feel acquainted with and be concerned about each of people on the screen in this winning and poignant gaze at love and interaction in a universal sense.
Emery's superb assemblage of love stories rises above prejudices so much more intelligently than even the most diligent and thorough documentary about religious perception of homosexuality, or marriage bans, by yanking at the tenderest core of the viewer. The palpable reality emoted by each interviewee attracts you to them, you are sometimes incorrect in your assumption of who is gay or straight, and you really don't care, which is as we should be. Uncommon for a documentary, the film makes use of the jazz- and blues- rooted musical numbers led by Felicia Loud to set the temper for each segment. Emery and his interviewees have momentously augmented life by relating that true love has no intolerance, no choice, no preference.
Indeed, seldom has there been an absolute staging of true love. It presents insight into a range of affairs and viewpoints, some new and others quite traditional. The composite of oral history presents a basic outlook and understanding of relationships involving every and anyone. This barefaced observation of life is hilarious, heartbreaking and cerebral all the same. It has the ability to revolutionize and mend our culture. The world could learn so much from these subjects. Inlaws & Outlaws is an experience we all need to make the endeavor to share with friends, screen in different communities all over the country, promote and re- release.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
01/19/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Mostly uninteresting apart from a few individuals. I have no idea what the jazz singer interludes were all about.
Rated 2.5/5 Stars •
Rated 2.5 out of 5 stars
02/20/23
Full Review
Audience Member
a great look at love, relationships and marriage of couples in the pacific northwest. gay/straight, young/old it reaffirms the power of love.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
01/23/23
Full Review
Audience Member
I did not really like this movie.
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/10/23
Full Review
Audience Member
This little documentary is a beautiful, sensitive examination of how love develops between two people - regardless of gender. It is exceptionally well done.
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
01/12/23
Full Review
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