Audience Member
this movie was a piece of shit
PERIOD.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/15/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Alive or Dead (Stephen Goetsch, 2008)
Another one of those movies-I seem to run across more and more of them as time goes on-that starts out with so much potential and then knocks it all into a cocked hat by turning what looked as if it were going to be something very different into something tiredly, and incompetently, the same.
Goetsch (Bleeding Iowa), who also wrote the script, gives us the tale of Maria (Pinko's Place's Ann Henson), who is driving through the desert for no reason we are ever given when she stumbles upon what seems, at first, to be an abandoned schoolbus. Well, "stumbles" isn't the proper term; she's snared, when one of those now-cliché ropes-with-nails-in-them catches her tires. There's another car there, abandoned, and she quickly discovers that (a) there's another woman, Sarah (Richard III's Angelica Magana), already on the bus, shackled, and that (b) she was obviously put there by a very, very bad man (Greed's Thomas Crnkovich), who comes back to the bus dragging what seems to be another victim, drugged, whom we later discover is named Frank (L. Flint Esquerra in his first film role). All of this is pretty standard, until said very, very bad man drives them to what would seem to be his compound... a massive castle. Yes, a massive castle, right there in the middle of the desert. That's when things start to get weird. (NOTE: the rest of this paragraph could be considered a spoiler, so SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH if you don't want to know.) Maria and Sarah manage to overpower and kill the bus driver, leaving them and Frank, who now seems less drugged than mentally challenged, to explore the castle and try to figure out where they are.
If the movie had managed to stay in that mode, it might have been something glorious. Unfortunately, we get maybe three minutes of it before the entire thing devolves into pure, utter chaos, and worse yet, does so in the most predictable of ways. At which point you, like pretty much everyone else who has watched this movie is the ratings on the usual film sites are considered, will completely stop caring. As well you should. Nothing will happen after that point you don't expect if you've seen any three random slasher/torture porn films in your lifetime. Gets a couple of stars for its potential, but rest assured all of that potential is utterly wasted. **
Rated 2/5 Stars •
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
02/11/23
Full Review
Audience Member
The 2 leading ladies are attractive. That is the only nice thing I can say about this piece of garbage. 82 minutes of my life I will never get back.
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/20/23
Full Review
Audience Member
FUCKING HILARIOUS! GREAT COMEDY! ....wait
Rated 5/5 Stars •
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
02/21/23
Full Review
Audience Member
Hands down, this is the most boring, stupid, pointless horror movie ever made with no plot to it at all...
Rated 1/5 Stars •
Rated 1 out of 5 stars
02/16/23
Full Review
Audience Member
this was hands down one of the cheesiest, most horrible 'horror' movies I've seen in my life...and I've seen a lot of bad horror in my time...I think this bumps 'The Stuff' out of the #1 position...
Rated 0.5/5 Stars •
Rated 0.5 out of 5 stars
02/15/23
Full Review
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